unsure on what to do

[ag1001]

im 17 and been with the dad for 8 months, weve said if i ever accidentally got pregnant we would keep it as i already had a miscarriage in a previous relationship, im starting just to get very scared as ive always wanted to be a mum, but is it too early was it just a dream i wanted. Im currently in college i do have a job. The thought of telling people is scary and would i get the support i needed. I know my mum is going to try and push for an abortion which is not what i want at all not one bit. But then do i? its so hard yet i know i could be a good mum

I’m sorry to hear that, if you want to keep it then you must keep it. You are very young and being so sure to keep it and be a mum can only be a good thing. Take care of yourself and your baby and stand the ground you want.

Of course it is up to you but you do need to think carefully.

You are very young and do need to think about what you want your life to look like. What do you want to do for work in the future? Who will help look after the baby/child while you study/work? Where will you all live? What if things don't work out with the Dad?

I don't want to patronise you, but I look back on the boys I dated at 17 and cringe. Even if I could have coped with a baby, they certainly couldn't. Babies bring joy but they are also a big sacrifice. You may see a lot of cute photos but it's far from easy and is obviously a whole life 'job'. When you are young it's really only the time you have to be carefree and enjoy yourself without heavy responsibilities. I struggled when I had my eldest at 28 with how much my life changed, so I can only imagine how it would have been if I was much younger.

I would never tell someone not to have a baby, but you do need to think carefully and make sure you see prepared. Good luck to you.

Love the bit about the boys you dated and cringe!! Me too!! Haha

You are very young to be faced with this life changing decision and I would worry that you don’t realise just how big an impact this will have on the rest of your life. You’re in college and working, presumably you have a bit of free time too, but with a baby you wouldn’t have that and should things not work out with the dad you could very well find yourself doing it alone. Having a baby has a huge affect on relationships even when people are married and stable, let alone so young.

What will you do for somewhere to live, will your mum be happy to have a baby under her roof? I suggest you tell her asap because she has a right to know if you’re considering keeping it seeing as she will be the first person to be affected should you struggle or need help. Also make sure you get on some reliable contraception after all this seeing as it’s your second unplanned pregnancy. Best of luck

Hiya my mum does know and we would live with her still, my boyfriend is slightly older than me and hes ready for a baby, weve been together for nearly a year and its the happiest ive ever been. Work knows, im yet to tell college. I’ve decided i am going to keep it, its just what felt right. Thank you for all the help but im ready. I know how hard it is, im a babysitter for my niece and have been for 4 years and god shes a handful but i know its right for me x

Hi @ag1001 , I truly wish you all the best. Many people are not ready at such a young age to devote so much of their own time to a baby, but it sounds like you have really thought this through. I'm sorry about the miscarriage you suffered, it sounds like that was a very painful event for you. I'm glad your mum knows and it sounds like she's supportive. You might want to consider visiting a pregnancy center, they can help you find out if there is any financial aid available to you, possibly because of your age or being a college student. You sound like a strong woman who knows what she wants and I hope your partner will be responsible and devoted. If you need help finding a pregnancy center, let me know your general area and I can try and do a search for what is around you. Your college may have resources as well. All my best to you and your future!

I’m glad you’ve been able to tell your mum, I hope she is able to advise you on things as they come up as pregnancy is a massive event in a woman or girl’s life. I’m glad your boyfriend feels like he’s ready for this but I once heard very important advice which was that if a person finds out they’re unexpectedly pregnant, they should make the decision on the assumption that they will be doing it alone. This sounds negative at first but in reality it’s good advice as having a baby tests even an established marriage, let alone a relationship which is still relatively new.

Babysitting isn’t easy at times but when you have your own baby 24/7 it is a different level of pressure and commitment, so I wish you the best. Try to link up with services for teen mums in your area if at all possible, they can provide support and advice on resources if needed x