So I've found out I'm pregnant with baby #3 and partner wants me to get an abortion...it's been over a week now and he's not accepting anything I say. I've told him over and over I don't want an abortion and that I appreciate all his (very short sighted, mostly money related) concerns but that to me, they're not a good enough reason for me to abort this child. I'm a total wreck. He's pushing me for it, not aggressively or in a way that scares me, but just in a horribly negative and frustrated kind of way where he won't hear things in any other way.
I start the conversation and make it clear what I want (not an abortion) and he just wears me down and argues everything I say and is just outright refusing to see it from any other point of view. His arguments focus almost entirely on money, even though we have a perfectly comfortable life with enough money to live? We both have full time jobs, I earn maybe 2.5k a month (this would obviously decrease for mat leave and then I'd probably go part time for a while because the hours are LONG and I don't think he could cope with three kids alone) and he earns about 1k/week plus the odd bonus. We are shit at budgeting so often feel like we are skint, but always been able to buck up when we need to so it's not like we are poor and struggling.
His most recent obsession is the fact that we own and live in a three bed, so our older 2 girls (5+2) would have to share a room (in about 18 months once baby is 6 months+) and how he refuses to let them and that means we'd have to rush and redo, sell and move... That's so nonsensical to me??? Plenty of sisters share rooms??? It's a large double room anyway, not like it's a tiny box room. They'd have space for their own beds and wardrobes and drawers, plus extra space for playing. I think he's being ridiculous focusing on this particular matter, not that I want to say that to him because I don't want him to feel belittled or ignored.
He won't listen to me and every time we have a conversation about it he's so...emotionless and cold, and I'm there pouring my heart out and sobbing and begging him not to make me do this and he just doesn't care? This is not him, he's never been like this. He's usually a wonderfuly emotionally intelligent person with communication skills but he's just put up this massive wall and I can't get through it. He's always been scared when I've been pregnant and he's always panicked and catastrophized throughout the entire 9 months but he's never been this unpleasant.
I feel like its my fault for letting him think there's an option. With the girls I was outright like "don't even suggest it" whereas this time I guess I was more open to the conversation because I knew he never wanted 3 and I didn't want to make him feel trapped or forced... But really there never was an argument in my mind I never wanted an abortion, I only entertained the idea because I wanted him to be happy but I CAN'T go through with it. I had one abortion (because he wanted me to) in 2021 and while I didn't regret it as such because I know it was the wrong time and we really were poor back then because I wasn't working, my eldest had only just turned one, he wasn't qualified in his field yet so his income was half what it is now...I just know I couldn't do it again. And I've told him this.
I don't know what to do or say to end this conversation with him. I've told him what I want and he argues and argues to the point I'm sobbing and hysterical because he won't accept it.
To be clear- I have the non hormonal coil so I did try to prevent this. He usually pulls out anyway because we've always ended up pregnant even with birth control (eldest is a pill baby, I had a miscarriage on the pill and the baby I aborted in 2021 was a patch baby. Youngest was planned) but during my fertile period he failed to do so four days in a row AND he's also refused a vasectomy on many many occasions due to not wanting to get his dick and balls out in front of people and not wanting a needle in them.
I guess I'm just ranting because I feel so lonely and overwhelmed and like I'm ruining everyone's lives if I keep this baby. He is fixated on the idea that another child will ruin our chances to ever do anything fun, that the kids we have already will miss out on opportunities and possessions, that we can't stretch ourselves across three children.... And then every time we discuss it he worms his way into my head and convinces me he's right, even though I don't believe he is