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Pregnancy choices

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Considering termination - 3rd child

6 replies

Pinklily30 · 16/09/2025 23:38

My husband and I have twin daughters age 6.5. Without going into detail, the pregnancy was extremely complicated and they were born prematurely with a long stint in NICU. They then have severe reflux for over a year and were very ‘unsettled’ babies. The whole thing was very traumatic and looking back I defintely had PTSD/PND which I guess I have never got to the bottom on/treated. Over the years we have discussed having a third but I think it’s because I wanted a more ‘normal’ time and perhaps a healing baby. Anyway, when the girls were 3.5 we decided to go for it, I had a miscarriage which was very upsetting but I also felt a sense of relief in a strange way. That put us off trying and we didn’t discuss it again until about a year ago and we’ve been on the fence for a while but decided at the start of the year we would be happy with the family we have and put everything we have into the girls. We have an amazing but hectic life. DH travels a lot for work and I work school hours and there never seems to be enough time in the day etc. I have now discovered I am unexpectedly pregnant at 5wks. I am totally freaking out and can’t help but think I don’t want this, I don’t want to go to back to the baby days, don’t want to risk go backing to potential PND. I’m worried about the age gap and how it will affect the twins. I was just starting to feel myself again and hate the thought of ruining our family dynamic. I also worry something would be wrong with the baby that would require additional needs which would again impact the children I already have. My gut is telling me not to go through with it but I also hate the thought of termination. What if I instantly regret it!? But every day I just wish this wasn’t happening. I just don’t know what to do. My husband is extremely supportive either way but I know part of him is a bit excited which makes it even harder

OP posts:
BunnyRuddington · 17/09/2025 17:40

I really feel for you @Pinklily30and it sounds like it’s going to be a hard decision for you.

I think if you really are unhappy at the thought of being being PG and having another DC then termination is the right choice for you at that time.

Could you write a list of all the reasons that you don’t want to continue? If you do decide to terminate the PG it will help you to remember that for you at that time it was the right decision.

You can also write a list of the possible pros of you want to try and weigh up your options a little more.

I suppose it also depends on your age too?

Pinklily30 · 18/09/2025 20:19

@BunnyRuddington thank you for your reply. I really do think termination is the best choice for me, it’s just so difficult to accept that’s what I’m going to do. I’m 36. I will definitely write down all of my reason and like you say I can always read them back if I question my choice in the future.

OP posts:
BunnyRuddington · 19/09/2025 06:20

Sending you a handhold. It’s not an easy decision but if you’re going to struggle so much then its possibly the right choice.

Abbie132 · 19/09/2025 09:15

I've also just found out I am pregnant, 4 weeks when calculating. I am 37 with 3 children and do not want a forth. I feel so ashamed that I've let myself get into this situation, but instantly know I need a termination. I go on a family holiday tomorrow, so plan to have a medical abortion once home next week. I haven't told anyone, I feel sick with guilt and worry, but I know it's the right thing for me and my family.

How are you feeling today?

BunnyRuddington · 19/09/2025 12:48

Please don’t feel so guilty @Abbie132if you absolutely know carrying in is the wrong thing to do then a termination is the right choice Flowers

Poster57 · 19/09/2025 17:01

@BunnyRuddington what a thoughtful response. I wish we as women could feel less guilty in these situations, we absolutely should ❤️

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