Hello, I’m just looking for some advice or kind words. Please don’t judge me, I judge myself enough already.
2 years ago I had a termination I felt pressured into my family (not my partner). It’s a decision I didn’t want, and whilst I can acknowledge that the circumstances weren’t right etc, I can say it wasn’t “best” for us. We so desperately wanted our baby and I never stop thinking about them. I feel empty without them and stuck on the “what-ifs”. Anyway, every month I convince myself I’m pregnant and that all my PMS symptoms are actually early pregnancy. It never is, because I’m on contraception and the chances are incredibly slim. My logical brain can understand that, but I can’t convince myself of it and get carried away. I’m then left feeling low, empty and upset every time my period arrives. It’s not the right time for us to consider TTC yet but that doesn’t take away from that desire. All I ever wanted is to be a Mum and to know I took that chance away from myself just destroys me. Has anybody else experienced this, is it normal or even healthy this far post termination? It all feels quite debilitating at times.