Do i want a 3rd baby?

[MeltedMama]

I dont really know what I want from this post im just sad and lost.
Im 40 and recently found out im pregnant (unplanned) with my 3rd baby. I already have a 4 and 6 year old. For a long time I wanted a 3rd but for the last while I've got used to the idea of it not happening and I absolutely love my little family and the dynamic we have and while I know my kids would love a sibling I cant help feel it would be selfish on my part as it would completely change everything for my kids and me. With being an older parent id feel so guilty taking time away from my other 2 kids, one would eventually have to share a room with the baby, am I even fit enough? Im just lost. My 2 kids were planned so maybe thats why this unplanned pregnancy has hit me so hard, I dont feel excited, my husband isn't excited either and when I initially seen the test my 1st thought was immediately no. I feel so horrible even thinking this way as I know a 3rd baby would be so loved but I feel like im trying to convince myself it would be a good idea when something inside just says no. Maybe just fear of the unknown with me being older, higher chance of twins (they run in my family), change and the impact it would have. We dont have much family support where we are and moneys not great but the thought of ending this pregnancy makes me feel horrible. Im constantly going back and forth and always crying. I feel like a termination would haunt me, I just dont know what to do. Any help or advice would be so appreciated as I dont really feel like I have anyone to talk to about it and am just really sad and lost.
Please no nasty comments or judgements. Believe me I've been hating myself already for all of this.

Hello. How did you cope with this? I am in your situation. I've actually been in this situation 4 years ago as well. I cannot believe it has happened again. How did you move forward? I hope you are doing well. X

Hi @Xdorx , I'm not the OP but wanted to say that people are kind here and if you want to post a little about your thoughts, pros & cons, and other circumstances, you'll probably get some good advice. I hope you'll give yourself time to think this life-changing decision over very carefully. And if you decide there's room in your home for another child, I wish you all the best!

Thank you for your kind reply. My period arrived - 8 days late for the first time in my life. I feel relieved and sad. I know if I was to try for a third my mental health wouod not handle the panic and fear of change (I have OCD and anxiety issues). However, I would love another child and so would love to go ahead if I was blessed. But fear speaks loudly and feels like fact even when it is irrational and extreme. It's an awful position to be in. Thank you for your kindness.xx

Thanks @Xdorx for your update, I understand you having mixed emotions about not being pregnant. I think most people have a bit of panic and apprehension when suspecting that they are pregnant. I hope you will be able to have another child in the future if that is what you decide would be best in your life. Wishing you the best, and hope your family has a joyful and peaceful holiday season.

@Xdorx I’m assuming you didn’t continue 4 years ago? You’ve moved forward from there probably without even noticing :) I have similar ocd issues which are unbelievably magnified by hormones. Hope everything works out for you :)

@MeltedMama hope everything worked out for you too - whatever decision you took will have been the right one

@Poster57 no I didn't continue 4 years ago. I was only 4 weeks as I took the pills the day after my period was due so it was super early. I was falling on a cliff mentally and I had been very ill after my second child and knew I couldn't put three children through that. It was a very difficult time and and I was extremely sad but I know it was for all the right reasons. OCD screams loudly doesn't it? Hormones, tiredness, illness, change, decisions are all OCD triggers - and ALL of these appear when you are pregnant so it is the perfect storm for OCD and then becomes very difficult to know what is rational thought. My children are getting older now and it is getting harder - they seem to need me more the older they get and life seems more complicated and emotional and stressful as they grow older. I would love another child but it probably isn't wise given all that plus my OCD!

@Xdorx OCD can get so loud can’t it. Agree with all that you’ve said. All those triggers make it impossible to know what’s rational or not. If only it was the stereotype that people think it is then life would so much easier.

I often find it had to accept that it’s something real that I suffer with as I have a tendency to be overly hard on myself but it truely is - I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

Unfortunately my ocd has gone for a double hit and can spin on the fact that the termination happened at times which is painful. I don’t think it’s something I’d find was still impacting me without it. It fees like knowing that should be enough to make it stop but as we know it doesn’t work like that.