Do i want a 3rd baby?

[MeltedMama]

I dont really know what I want from this post im just sad and lost.
Im 40 and recently found out im pregnant (unplanned) with my 3rd baby. I already have a 4 and 6 year old. For a long time I wanted a 3rd but for the last while I've got used to the idea of it not happening and I absolutely love my little family and the dynamic we have and while I know my kids would love a sibling I cant help feel it would be selfish on my part as it would completely change everything for my kids and me. With being an older parent id feel so guilty taking time away from my other 2 kids, one would eventually have to share a room with the baby, am I even fit enough? Im just lost. My 2 kids were planned so maybe thats why this unplanned pregnancy has hit me so hard, I dont feel excited, my husband isn't excited either and when I initially seen the test my 1st thought was immediately no. I feel so horrible even thinking this way as I know a 3rd baby would be so loved but I feel like im trying to convince myself it would be a good idea when something inside just says no. Maybe just fear of the unknown with me being older, higher chance of twins (they run in my family), change and the impact it would have. We dont have much family support where we are and moneys not great but the thought of ending this pregnancy makes me feel horrible. Im constantly going back and forth and always crying. I feel like a termination would haunt me, I just dont know what to do. Any help or advice would be so appreciated as I dont really feel like I have anyone to talk to about it and am just really sad and lost.
Please no nasty comments or judgements. Believe me I've been hating myself already for all of this.

Hi lovely. I am 40 and had a medical termination last week. I completely relate to everything you have said. My DC are older than yours, my youngest is 9, and I’m not in a position to be able to afford to take time off work or more huge nursery bills. I feel so guilty because my other two pregnancies were longed for and planned and this was completely out the blue (assumed my eggs were all withered up to be honest) and I feel like I’ve been hit by a train. It was the right decision for us and our family but I am desperately sad and guilty about what I have done. That said I don’t wish I hadn’t done it. It’s so hard, I really feel for you. Have you spoken to BPAS/MSI/NUPAS? They do offer counselling.

Thank you so much for your reply, it's just nice to know youre not alone in feeling this way. I still dont know what to do, I think im trying to convince myself that another baby would be ok even though something else is just saying no. Its just the aftermath im scared of too, the guilt and sadness. Im waiting for a callback from a councillor hopefully today. Did you have any councilling before hand? Did you think it helped? I keep looking for signs lol. Heads going to explode x

I didn’t no, I was at the time quite sure of my decision. I also ended up ordering the meds privately because the NHS wait time was too long. I’ll see how I am doing in a few weeks, I suspect this is something to come to terms with rather than forgive myself for. I know I did it for all the right reasons.

Hopefully speaking to a counsellor will help you to make your decision. It’s the toughest. X

Hi @MeltedMama , just wanted to say that yours is a common post here and I'm sorry that you're faced with this decision. It sounds like you have thought a lot in the past about having three children. I grew up as one of three and it was a nice dynamic. I had to share a room but it was fine, I wouldn't trade anything for my little sister. Like you said, "fear of the unknown" can freeze us in our tracks and make our minds swirl with every kind of anxiety. But on the flip side, love is always a risk and sometimes the best things in life are not what we planned.

There are so many sorrowful posts on Mumsnet from mums later in life who just wanted a "reset button" and aborted quickly, only to have painful regret and second thoughts. Some even strive to get pregnant again in order to have the family they really wanted deep down. If you're only a few weeks along, I hope you'll give yourself time to let the shock wear off, and to try to picture your life down both paths. I hope you'll come to an answer you feel good about and can go down that path with confidence that you're doing the right thing.