Just found out I'm pregnant with my third

[Mumtotwowithadditionalneeds]

So this week I found out I'm pregnant with my third baby... unplanned pregnancy.

my problem is my two children ages 2 and 7 have additional needs ( polar opposite ones at that) my daughter is non verbal and has been referred for an assessment for autism.
my son is being assessed for ADHD and ODD and is behind in school and is experiencing learning difficulties.

now I'd love another baby and there's definitely room in my heart for this little bean, however I feel realistically it is not in the best interest of my other two children, my daughter is very clingy and has attachment issues, she's by my side 24:7 which I feel is hard for my son and I feel adding another child will not benefit them and that they'd benefit from my attention staying with them and not having to be shared even more.

my two children are from my previous relationship and they stay with there dad on weekends and it gives me the time to refresh as it can be very over whelming, obviously this child is with my current partner so I wouldn't get that time to refresh when they are not with me so I feel I might struggle too.

the problem is i felt like I missed out with the baby atuff with daughter as she's had set ways from very young age and hasn't done a lot of the normal baby/toddler things because she gets overwhelmed I also know that it's not in the best interest of them to keep it, I feel I know what I have to do but I just don't want to do it, I'm also in a 2 bedroom flat with 2 children already and would struggle with space etc please any advice is welcome and any perspective of what the best thing is, thank you.

Hello Mumtotwo, it sounds like you are doing an excellent job of helping your two children with special needs. I don't know much about ADHD and possible autism, but as I read your post I had a thought. Maybe you should talk to a counselor or psychologist who does know about them, and ask if having another baby would be a hinderance or a help. Maybe a little brother or sister would help your daughter to break her dependence on you a bit, having a playmate close to her own age. There might be a bit of jealousy at first, but it could turn into a good relationship. It might calm some of your worries to talk to someone like that, and get their expert perspective. Of course it would only be advice, and you are free to follow your own heart.

Does your current partner know you're pregnant? Would this be his first biological child? What are his thoughts? Hope to hear back from you, breathe deep, you'll find your way through this.

Hello, I’ve actually been searching for a post like this as it was a similar position ish to what I have been in. In the way that I have a diagnosed ASD child and suspected ADHD child also.

with all respect to the last post, a counsellor / psychologist is not going to help with you in terms of whether this would be a good decision for your existing children. To be honest there would just be pros and cons like any NT children.

this really is your decision. And you must make it yourself depending on what you want. There is no right or wrong decision. It is just your decision which you would like to happen. Good luck and happy to message me if you want to chat further.

What have you decided op?