42 and pregnant with number 3

[Whyjustwhy83]

Really not sure what to do, I took a test this morning and it was positive. I don't know how far a long I am, my periods were all over the place, I expect due to stress, weight gain or the start of menopause. I thought I was possibly pregnant beginning of July but both tests were negative. I kind of put it out of my head. I only took another test as I felt ready to try and tackle some health issues, period issues being one of them. I'm really unhealthy atm and so run done so I'm shocked and scared. First thought after positive was to have an abortion but after calling bpas I'm not sure. I feel I need to know how far I am before I can make any decisions idk.

Hope you're ok. Sounds like a major shock. Can you date it to a single occasion of unprotected sex? How old are your other 2 and what would your partner's opinion be?

Hello @Whyjustwhy83 , I think that it is a good idea to get a scan and find out how far along you are, then you'll know how much time you have to make the decision about whether to end this pregnancy or attempt to carry to term. The chance of miscarriage is higher after 40 but many women do have healthy babies. I hope you will give yourself the gift of getting the scan so that you have all the information you can get. I'm sorry that your health has not been great and hope that whatever you end up choosing, things will improve for you. This board is great, feel free to come back with updates and your thoughts, and people are good about responding. Take good care of yourself, dear.

Thank you for answering HannahSternsBlouse
It has been such a shock honestly I thought it was the start of menopause. Thing's have been hectic here so really can't pinpoint when it could of happened I can't even remember date of my last period 😭. I have a 8yr old from a previous relationship and ours is 20 months. My partner is very supportive he'd like another but said he'll support what I decide as my last pregnancy was difficult. I'm in the process of booking a private scan just waiting to see if I can get childcare for my older DC.

Thank you SilverScales for taking the time to reply. I definitely will get a scan before any decisions made, I feel I'm further then 10wks which bpas estimated from roughs dates I had. I can feel fluttering I know this being my 3rd I will notice movement earlier but still most likely further along the 10 week. I was 40+ with my last pregnancy and all turned out fine but i had an awful time. I never thought I'd want an abortion but I just don't think I can look after 2 kids if it's as hard a pregnancy as with my last . The thought of actually having an abortion terrifies me as I doubt I can handle it emotionally+guilt

Oh wow @Whyjustwhy83 , I think that the very earliest that it's possible to feel movement is 14 weeks, and it's usually closer to 18-20 weeks. I hope you'll be able to get a scan soon and get some answers. What kind of issues made your last pregnancy difficult? Things like being nauseated? Are they things you will definitely have this time around, or just a chance? It's nice your partner is supportive as there are too many women who feel pressure to abort, and who can think straight when you have that to deal with. Maybe your partner would be willing to step up and help more during times you are not feeling well or just need time to yourself. Abortion does badly damage many people emotionally, so it's worth considering whether you feel as if you could feel at peace with yourself if you went that route.

Hi SilverScales. I've got a scan booked in today, what I can feel is more like a fluttering, my last I could feel kicking by 16wks. I had gestational diabetes , carpool Tunnel and I was struggling to walk near the end. My birth I ended up needing forceps, I had muscle damage and weakness for awhile after, still not back to normal 2yrs later. My partner blew everything up last night and I'm even more confused. I'm going to see how far along I am today then decide as I expect I will be doing it alone. I'm up early to make a dr's appointment for my partner, go for scan then find out if he's leaving me when I get back lol.

Hey @Whyjustwhy83, how did you get on today? I hope you're ok X

Hi tuesdayfern it went fine but I was wrong I'm only8wks and 2 days, I don't think I could go through with an abortion now, I really should though it would be for the best.

Thank you for the update, dear. It sounds like you were correct about being pregnant in the beginning of July but maybe the hormone levels were still too low for a test to detect. I'm sorry that your partner blew up, do you mean he was angry, or was he threatening you? Was it an argument, and do you feel safe with him? Remember that even if he decides to end the relationship he is still obligated to pay to support the child he helped create, at least in most countries that is the law. And please trust your feelings, even if others say it would be crazy to have another child, in the end your decision is the only one that matters. The emotional turmoil and heaviness on the conscience are real things to consider. On the other hand I'm sorry for all that you endured with your last birth, it sounds like it was a terrible experience. You might want to ask your doctor if those circumstances would qualify you for a planned c-section if you think that would be an easier route, should you decide to have this baby. I hope you are okay in the midst of all this emotional tornado.

I guess I was SilverScales, by blew u he decided to confess to being obsessed with some women from when he was a teenager. I've got another post up about it,he was acting very weird, kept saying he was leaving wasn't. He's so still here but I no longer trust him and I'm not with him. I'm sure he would pay I just wouldn't be able to cope alone. Tbh I'm not even thinking about booking in with midwifes anything really. I'm just having a little break from thinking about baby as my health is not great atm my toddler passed on hand foot and mouth to me and my eldest and I've now got a viral chest infection and pleurisy too.

I'm so sorry you're sick, please take care of yourself and hope you'll recover soon. I'm sorry he's acting like that, the grass is always greener somewhere else, isn't it.

How are you doing op?

@clangershome Hi I'm still pregnant, I've had my booking in appointment and dating scan is in 2 weeks. I'll be 13+ weeks by then but I'm panicking a bit in case of a missed miscarriage as I don't really feel pregnant. I've also been unwell and in hospital with pneumonia, DVT and now bloody pleural effusion. I'm basically falling to pieces atm not sure how my body could be growing a healthy baby.

@clangershome Hi I'm still pregnant, I've had my booking in appointment and dating scan is in 2 weeks. I'll be 13+ weeks by then but I'm panicking a bit in case of a missed miscarriage as I don't really feel pregnant. I've also been unwell and in hospital with pneumonia, DVT and now bloody pleural effusion. I'm basically falling to pieces atm not sure how my body could be growing a healthy baby.

Oh dear, sorry to hear you have been so unwell. Did they not check your pregnancy which poorly in hospital? Xx

@Clangershome Thank you, no nothing I think because I'm under 12 weeks.

I hope all is well then and you get better soon xx