Unexpectedly pregnant with third and torn

[Mcloulou189]

Hello I am sorry if this is a triggering subject but I would also like to request that no judgement is made on this post as I’m going through an extremely difficult time at present.

i have a 4 and 17 month old and have discovered that I am pregnant again. It was a massive shock and I honestly can’t believe it. My initial thoughts, along with my DP’s is that we are not in a place to continue with the pregnancy. We rent a two bedroom house, I recently lost my job, and I suffer with quite extreme depression.

I have gone back and forth so much I just don’t know if I will ever come to a decision. I just wish things were clearer in my mind.

im 36 so coming to the end of my fertile years so to speak, I’m thinking is this meant to be? It also sounds ridiculous but I am frightened of disappointing my parents and in laws who repeatedly warn me not to get broody (my friends are expecting) and absolutely not go for a third. I’d be scared about telling them.

dp is veering on the side of not going ahead but sees that my mental state is fragile so isn’t wanting to push anything.

it’s early so I am giving myself time but I am wondering if that is prolonging the uncertainty.
if anyone has been in this position and could shed any light on how they managed to navigate this tough period I would be so grateful.

Hello @Mcloulou189, I'm sorry that you're facing some challenges with this unexpected turn of events.

I'm glad that you're going to give yourself some time to think about this huge decision. I think that the most regrets happen when people panic and abort quickly, before they really get a chance to think clearly.

I'm sure that every single person who reads your post will agree with me on this: Do not give a single thought, care, breath, or heartbeat to what your parents and inlaws think. Nor your neighbors, friends, therapist, minister, former university professor, or ANYONE ELSE. You should not factor in what they will think because their opinion does not matter in YOUR life and YOUR family. I hope it feels freeing to you to consider that. Have you thought about having three children? Is it a family dynamic you could see being enjoyable, if not so much in the early years, further down the line? Did you grow up with siblings? Those are better questions to ask yourself.

Also, I'm glad your partner has not tried to make this decision for both of you. Many people, both with and without depression and other issues, feel that abortion is not something they could comfortably live with. That is a valid viewpoint if it is the answer that rings true in your heart. I don't know if you have tried any medications for your depression, but there are some very effective ones that are safe to take during pregnancy. I am sure it's hard to make time for self-care with two little ones, but I hope that you can at least see a doctor or counselor.

Take some time, because if you decide to abort you want to make sure that you are certain about that. It's hard to make choices based on feelings because feelings often change. I don't know if any of this was a help to you, but I feel for you and hope that things turn out well for you.