Need to have an abortion

[Sadandconfusedwiththisr3ality]

Hi all,

Please be kind here.

My pregnancy journey began with a miscarriage when we discovered at our 12 wk scan that baby had stopped growing and there was no heartbeat. My husband and I grieved this and were so sad but lucky to conceive our Son shortly after.

It was a difficult birth and he was born prematurely and was in NiCU for a few wks. 2 years later we had our daughter who shortly after birth experienced severe health issues which mean that every few months we are in hospital with her and I'm the one in charge of making sure she's OK. I have quite severe health anxiety from these experiences and I am seeing a counsellor.

Long story short I have tested positive on a pregnancy test and feel sick. I want this baby but I don't think I can with an already ill child with severe health issues. It seems selfish to have the baby when I know it will deprive my children of my attention and especially for my daughter and my son who already going through so much. On the other hand I know they'd both love a sibling.

My husband has said in an ideal world he would like to have the baby but it doesn't practically work with our current circumstances. Pls help. I have a call booked tomorrow to speak with an abortion counsellor but feel sick to my stomach.

I don't think I'll ever stop feeling guilty either way. I have friends and family struggling to conceive and this feels wrong esp after our miscarriage. But continuing doesnt seek feasible. Please help.

Hi Sad and Confused, I'm sorry that you're going through a painful time of not knowing what to do. Are you more worried about having another child with an illness, or that you won't have time for the new baby as your current children take up a lot of time? I'm glad you have a counselor, this might be a great person to talk out your feelings with. They already know your situation and won't judge you for what you decide to do. It really does sound like a part of you is yearning to grow your family and welcome one more child into it.

One thing I can recommend is that I was surprised how much I could do with my baby in a baby sling. Just the plain kind that's like a little sideways pouch worn across the body. I could do laundry, shopping, even breastfeed with the baby in there and it made life a lot easier. If she fell asleep I could take the sling off with her in it and lay her down for a nap. I found it so useful that I was selling them for a while when my daughter was young. You find little tricks to save time and make life easier. But I don't know your current circumstances, and how hard life is for you right now. Keep talking with your partner and don't make the decision too quickly before you've had time to carefully think this through.

Hi hun. Please don't let other people fertility issues make you feel guilty in any way. That's their journey and this is your journey. Do not rush your decision like me and so many women have as once the decision is made it's final. The grief some women experience after a termination is inconceivable. My path after it was very dark for a full year. This is just my lived experience. Take away the logistics of having a baby and think of a family of 5 and how that would look and what life will feel like with one more. Just think long and hard once it's done it's done. For some women life just doesn't go on for them. For some it does and it's an easy decision . Take your time it's a life changing decision and a man will never understand it ever 🩷

Thanks for your responses.

I guess my biggest concern is that I won't be able to give my daughter with health issues my full attention and my older son will suffer too.

I would love to add a baby to our family but I don't know how I could pay enough attention to everyone and manage. My mental health is already strained by my daughter's health, would this make it worse and also strain our marriage?

I just don't know what to do. I think I'd feel so guilty if I had an abortion but equally if my daughter was hospitalised which she is every few months how could I not be with her and what if the baby had health issues. I couldn't manage.

I understand this is a major decision you have to make hun. Seek an abortion Counsellor to discuss this with. Just please don't rush your decision. What ever you do know it will be the right decision for you. It's a horrible place to be and my heart goes out to you . Try sit down with yourself alone in siilence no noise and your answer will come to you. Im sending you a big hug hun 🩷

@Sadandconfusedwiththisr3ality , the line from your initial post that keeps returning to my mind is "I know they'd both love a sibling." Also that you do want this baby. I think that having to continue on after aborting a wanted baby is one of the most difficult things a person can experience, at least from posts on this board that I've seen. Has your husband asked you if you feel like you would emotionally cope with aborting? Or is he saying "We aren't able to have another" and not continuing the conversation? No one should insist that someone else has to abort. It never goes well for the relationship.

I don't know how often your daughter has hospital stays, or if her illness is one that she will ever recover from with surgery, treatment, or time. Is your husband not willing to help out if you have demands on your time? Do you have any friends or family who could help with babysitting? One possibility is that if you decide to have this baby, either you or your husband could get sterilization so that you're never facing another surprise pregnancy. Maybe that would ease your minds. All my best with this decision, dear.