Feeling broken mentally and physically following my medical abortion.

[VE8907]

I don't want to put anyone off if they are planning to go ahead with medical abortion, if they feel it is the right choice for them. However in my case I feel more regret each day and that it was a dumb decision. I don't think I would have done it without pregnancy hormones clouding my mind.

It has only been 8 days since mine but I am starting to go crazy, and I feel anger towards myself, my partner and everything. I think it should have been made clearer how traumatic the process can be, then again everyone reacts differently, both mentally and physically. I just want to say something to people who are potentially facing the same decision I had to face - If you don't want to have kids at least in the next 3 years, then go ahead. If having kids is important to you and you are planning to have them in the near future, then please think of solutions to all your problems with the 'bad timing' . I find it ridiculous I just went ahead with my abortion considering me and my partner want to start trying in a year's time. Thinking about how long this could take to heal both mentally and physically, it is unnecessary. Pregnancy is exhausting enough both mentally and physically as it is, so is it worth putting yourself through the aftermath of an abortion first if you are planning to conceive in the near future anyway?

It has only been 8 days since mine but it is both physically and mentally draining. The on and off bleeding. The not knowing if it has been successful and if there is any tissue left. The bleeding slowing down and then passing huge blood clots all of a sudden. It all makes me worry about the future, and I would do anything to undo what I have done.

So sorry for your experience. It's seems such a varied reaction from what I've read. It appears to be there are women with zero regret or poor mental health afterwards, but I keep reading that applies mostly when the decision felt 100%. Much more difficult when it's not clear cut, or you've conflicting feelings, as then then there will be challenges either way. I totally understand the crazy early preg hormones, I felt utter chaos and couldn't think straight, it's really scary place to be, even if the preg is planned (mine wasnt). Try to give yourself some space and grace to process your feelings and also build in some distraction too, to reduce overthinking. We all do what we feel is best in the moment and the 'what ifs' are all normal, regardless what choice is made. None of us know what the future holds, we just have to hope that things all work out in the end.

Thank you for you kind words. I have been trying to distract myself as much as I can but get waves of sadness and regret when I realise I am never going to meet this person that could have been my child.
Yes it is scary that when I was pregnant I felt like a different person and the person I am now would never make the same choice...

Yes I think pregnancy hormones are so crazy, for me I felt sheer panic, but looking back I think my biggest issue was feeling a sense of not being in control of my body (not helped by a partner who left me), but I def didn't like the lack of control (and responsibility). Pregnancy can send the mind to scary places, so be kind to yourself. I do believe everything happens for a reason.