so, I’m a Mum to three beautiful kids - I have a fear of pregnancy and an even worse fear of birth since my last two births were traumatic and we almost lost my middle Son more times than I can count on one hand due to health complications.
around two years ago I had a nervous breakdown, I made the decision to come off all artificial hormones (contraception) as I believed this was a contributor to my mental state - started doing some deep rooted work on myself and viewing myself as an actual, living, human being than just a robot that lived solely for others and genuinely gotten to a place recently where self love is even creeping back in after ten years of self loathing.
until last week I noticed I didn’t have the energy for the gym, feeling sick after sets and then my period was a couple of days late. Fallen a victim to what must’ve been a split condom because I’m always so careful, and of course the test was positive.
I can’t have anymore children - there are so many reasons why but I don’t want to lessen the quality of my three existing children’s life, I wouldn’t cope and genuinely have no doubt that an abortion is the only decision for me. But I’m still finding myself looking at my three thinking that they saved me, I wouldn’t be here today without them - they are my purpose, and feeling that guilt and anger towards myself.
i have my first appointment at the hospital this week - despite how dark the lines on the test were I know that I can’t be more than three weeks. How fast is the process from your first appointment? Will I be given the pills on the day - one to take there and the rest to take home? Will I be able to function normally during?
just really want this all to be over with as soon as possible.