my boyfriend isn’t ready to have a baby and I’m pregnant

[anon2245]

Hi, wondering if anyone can help or relate to me.

I’m 28 and me and my boyfriend (30) found out we were pregnant after just 4 weeks of dating. I am currently 7 weeks and we discussed it and he was all for it and now overnight he’s suddenly decided he ‘isn’t ready’.

I don’t know what to do as I don’t think I could go with terminating my pregnancy, it just doesn’t feel right, but I really don’t want to do this without him and his support.

He’s a super anxious person by nature and hasn’t told anyone about the pregnancy yet as we were both coming to terms with it, I know it’s very early days but I just feel like I’ve been hit with a bulldozer.

I really hope it’s just a ‘freak out’ moment but I’m obviously preparing for the worst.

How did this happen? Contraception fail?

Yes.

Yes

What are your circumstances?

own place? Good job? Financially secure? Strong support network? Own vehicle?

Yes I’ve got my own business and house (3 bed semi), he’s got a stable job, we’re both financially secure, and have supportive families and both have our own cars.

Well you can’t be sure his family will be supportive op

I’m always a little curious about contraception fails. What contraception was used?

Not sure why the previous poster has decided to give you a grilling. I'm sure you don't need it, are aware things aren't ideal and are in enough turmoil as it is. What's done is done.

Ultimately you are the one who would have to go through an abortion or have a baby. Take him out of the equation - because this has happened so early, you can't really know what he'll end up being like. Are you willing to do this potentially without a dad? Many women do and it works out well, but it's not easy. Try to tune into what you want without distraction.

What do you want your life to look like in 5, 10, 20 years? Does this baby fit into it?
You're still young and have plenty of time to have a family if you decide not to progress now.

Whatever you decide, commit to it. Don't allow yourself to look back either way. Trust yourself that you'll make the right decision.

Hi @anon2245 , I'm so sorry that your boyfriend changed his mind so suddenly like he did when you are excited about becoming a mum. I think this is common for people and fathers especially. Many like to be "prepared for whatever comes" and there are so many uncertainties when having a child that the human mind gets anxious.

You've been together such a short time that you should not be making any decisions about staying together permanently at this point. However, if you want to start a parenthood journey, I think you should go for it. It sounds like you are ready emotionally and financially, and are at a good age where you've already had many years to focus on yourself. I think that in the majority of the time, once the baby is born, the father feels much more motivated to be involved, even if he was not excited beforehand. You have a feel for the priorities and personality of this man, so you can make a guess of how he might react. Is he selfish, or generous? Does he love unconditionally, or does he have certain expectations he wants you to meet? (This is not the same as having boundaries, I mean more of situations where he withholds love if you are not acting in the way he wants). I got pregnant soon after getting married at age 24, which was before we meant to have a child, and as a result I didn't have a lot of joy during my pregnancy. But once the baby was born, all the fear and doubt was gone. Nothing can prepare you for how much you will love your baby. I can't speak for every parent, of course, but I have never once regretted giving my daughter life. If you already feel attached to the tiny life growing inside you, I hope you'll trust that feeling and enjoy the journey, with or without the father's approval. Hope to hear back from you!

@anon2245 what did you decide?