Awaiting an abortion consultation.

[blooshboon]

I dont know why i’m posting this really, maybe for a hand hold as I can’t tell anyone in my personal life.

fell pregnant in april and had a chemical pregnancy.

was so upset and confused, we decided to try for a baby.
had my first positive May 26.

Originally was happy, and excited.

for around a week.

we already have a DD (6) who we both love and adore.

I really have tried to be happy for this, and want this but my mental health is very fragile ever since a breakdown 4 years ago. Hence the change of heart. I’ve been panicking, and scared, upset.

I’ve felt TERRIBLE, constantly nauseous, can’t get out of bed, can’t eat, can’t sleep, headaches, stomach pains, leg pains, arm pains.

All things that one would consider normal for early pregnancy.

until my friend messaged me complaining of how painful her period was, and my first feeling was jealous they was on a period. I feel sick even writing this out. But that’s when I knew I needed to do something.

so here I am awaiting a phonecall at 2.30 from BPAS.

I did have a scan 04/06 where yolk sac was empty and was measuring 5 weeks when I should’ve been 5.6. They want me to go back Monday for another scan.

unfortunately this isn’t my first time with BPAS as I had an abortion in 2021 for different reasons.

once again, i dont know why I'm posting this.

Hi, sorry you are having a hard time.

You know yourself best, but I would consider that an abortion might also damage your mental health. It's not an undo button on the pregnancy.

If you enjoy being a parent then why would it be different this time round?
Also your hormones are going nuts at the moment, don't underestimate their influence on everything.

Try to take your time and see if you can find that first feeling of happiness again..if that was your first instinct then I'd be wary of going against it.

@ByDreamyMintNewt

hey thanks for the reply,

Definitely wasn’t my first thought, my first thoughts was that’s it was just the hormones, and I needed to ground myself. And I really have tried. I’ve tried to get excited; I’ve tried to be happy.

But ultimately I just can’t be. I’m sad, and I have had those thoughts that the abortion might make my mental health worse. But I suffered with PND with my DD, and that’s when my mental health was far more stable than it is now. And that’s what worries me the most.

I keep telling myself, “ get to the 2nd trimester you will feel better “ but then I wake up each best spending all day in bed hanging over a sick bowl. Physically and mentally I’m exhausted.

I did have the consultation, and the lady I spoke to was lovely, and understood what I was saying. And shared some helpful advice, but she did agree going by medical history, that my mental health was in a terrible place at the minute.

It’s just hard, it’s not black and white. The abortion I have in 2021 was a lot easier. I didn’t really have a choice, there was NO way, I could’ve had a baby at that time.

Sorry you are going through this xx

Thank you @Clangershome

I have started the process this morning at 10am with the first pills.
I know deep down it’s the best decision.

Thinking of you

Hope you are ok?

@Clangershome

Hi, after taking the first pill yesterday 10am, weirdly enjoy I actually had more energy and was able to get up, and do things. Also had no sickness or nausea so was able to eat and drink to try and replenish my energy for today.

Nausea did come back around 7pm, and struggled to get to sleep because it was quite intense. Woke up around half an hour ago, needing the toilet and my stomach feels very sore, cramping heavily but no blood. I just feel abit tired, and my body just feels sore already. And the nausea is still here.

But I am also scared for the second pills today at 10am.
With how the cramps are at the minute, I’m terrified of the pain coming. But thank you so much for checking in.

Hope today goes ok for you

Just thought I’d share my ongoing MA experience.

So I took the first pill yesterday at 10am, all my pregnancy symptoms went within half hour after taking this, i dont know if that is normal but for the first time in two weeks i was able to walk around, eat, drink and spend some time with my family out of bed.

Then around 7pm nausea kicked back up, i will admit it was a bit stronger than my nausea I was getting in the pregnancy, but had a sick bowl next to me in bed and just tried to breathe through it. I watched a movie then went to sleep around 10.30.

3am woke up this morning with the worst stomach pains, and almost immediately had diarrhoea. This lasted a couple hours, and afterward I just felt weak and tired. Also annoyed because I spent yesterday eating and drinking in hopes to get my energy up for today. Also noticed, I had a higher heart rate than usual BUT I do suffer from anxiety.

Anyway this morning had to take nurofen at 9:45 as the pains in my stomach was really bad, cramping and sharp, so took them and then went and laid in bed, tried to eat a cereal bar just so they weren’t taken on an empty stomach.

Then at 10.35, I took the 4 misopristol by placing them between cheek and gum. After swallowing the remainder at 11.05 which was quite a lot the pieces were still big, I immediately started bleeding. 5 minutes later I was hit with extreme cramping 8/10. This then lasted until 12:15PM where I found comfort rubbing my stomach, enough that I actually fell asleep.

I woke up around 1PM, with no cramping at all, and then got scared that it hadn’t worked, as the bleeding in my pad was minor. Stood up, to go to the toilet and put a fresh pad on, and then lost a huge clot whilst standing up changing my pad, lost another one, and a shit ton of blood. This was scary, but also felt relief out of my stomach. Changed my pad, put new disposable pants on and then got into bed.

Since then, which was around 3 hours ago, I’m still in bed, cramps are still quite severe, and I’m still losing clots. I’m not flooding towels, but I’m very uncomfortable. I dont know if this is normal, I’m hoping it is. I still feel nauseous, don’t have an appetite and feel weak overall. I have had pains literally everywhere. Stomach, back, chest. My heart rate is also higher and feels harder.

This is my second abortion, I had one in 2021, with BPAS postal service too. I don’t remember much of the first one.

Are you doing ok now? X