Abortion- heartbroken and an alone mother

[Neetra30]

Hi everyone,
I would really like some support- especially from mothers who have had abortions.
I recently had an abortion due to a lot of reasons- prolapse, finances, struggling with work life balance with a full time (not remote) job with 3 kids.
Initially when I had the abortion I felt ok. However when I told my close friends, I recieved a lot of ethical judgement which made feel awful.
I have blocked them now because their words were too heavy, I really tried to do what is best for my family. But I have noone to speak to and I do feel completely crushed.
I have changed in the sense that I have become more tearful, more pessimistic and I am just not the same person anymore.
Please can someone tell me that it will get better

Have you been made to feel shame and guilt by your friends perhaps? If you felt ok at first then perhaps this might be the case. At the moment the only thing I can say as it takes time to heal. Keep thinking of what you were trying to do best and not the opinion of others.

Yes I have been made to feel shame and guilt. My friends made it seem that they would have made things work if they were in my shoes when none of them have kids. I was trying to do what was right for them

If none of them have kids then there is the answer right there. Please don’t listen to them. This is so horrible on you anyway without all that x

Honestly we do the best for our children and through experience I have found that it is so so difficult for people without children to imagine what being a busy mum is very life. I couldn’t imagine it until I became a mum. I did have a termination in between my 2 children. I lost a friend when I told her, she said she felt sorry for me, but what was strange was that earlier in our friendship she told me that she had a termination, but she regretted hers. She didn’t have children so I thought she’s be more of a voice for reason.

People tend to deflect, so whilst it’s horrible that your friends are making you feel this way, it says more about them than you.
It will get better because it was your choice and you know your reasons deep down. Just remember your why, appreciate the children and life you do have, and maybe work towards better friends.

Thankyou everyone.
I do know my reasons and even though I loved my unborn embryo, I had to think logically and put my existing children first. I couldn't just decide to keep my pregnancy just because of emotions, I needed to have a long term plan and some idea of how I could manage.
I didn't and I could not have managed another child, not without drastically reducing my income and depleting my health, as pregnancies can make prolapses worse, especially since mine is stage 3.
I told them because I was close to them both. I never imagined their reactions to be like this, where they thought it was ok to make them feel like they were morally superior than me because of this.

They are not real friends and have no idea what you’re going through if they don’t have their own children. It’s so tough, they should have supported you. Try not to let their words bring you down.
You had to make one of the hardest and most emotional decisions of your life. It will hurt allot. when your mind goes there just try to remember why you had to do it and that you did what you thought was best for everyone in that moment.
It will take time to heal, be extra kind to yourself ❤️

Thankyou.
I have realised this now and I have decided to end my friendship.
There are no places for judgemental and unrealistic people in my life