Abortion Regret

[por1993]

I recently had a MA as I fell unexpectedly pregnant.
It has been the most traumatic experience of my life so far. I am 31, partner is 20 years older. He wasn’t as supportive as I would have liked, he said he would support me no matter what I decided but he also said he didn’t want children at his age. My parents were really shocked and upset as they didn’t know I was seeing him so I felt like my world was crushing around me and I didn’t see a way out.
I felt alone and the only thing to do was terminate although this goes against all of my beliefs.
Now I look back and regret it more than words can say. I asked my partner if he will try for another baby (crazy I know) but he said no he doesn’t want children and he doesn’t want to stand in the way of my life but he loves me and keeps messaging me.
I have ended things as I can’t see a way out but he is adamant he doesn’t want children but he loves me.
I am utterly devastated and just wish I was stronger to keep the baby as it’s something that I had always wanted. Ex Partner didn’t want a child but now says we made the wrong choice but also won’t have another.

@por1993 sorry you're going through this.💐

Since you posted about this just yesterday here in the Pregnancy topic, may I suggest you have this thread moved to Pregnancy Choices or Relationships where you will get some other perspectives?

Sure, how do I do that?

I'm so sorry to hear this OP - what a sad situation. Can you seek counselling to talk it over with someone? I think you are right to end things with your ex as I can't imagine how the relationship would work after this. Maybe block him, as I'm not sure that continued contact will help you? Wishing you all the best for the future

Report your post to mumsnet using the report button, then just ask them to move it 😊hope all goes well for you

I'm sorry you're going through this.

silver lining is you're not tied to this twat forever!

you're still young enough to meet someone else who wants a family. IF you don't waste time mourning this blouse/relationship!

Get yourself back on your life track!!

I hear you OP. <<hugs>>
I had a similar experience and went through an abortion when I was 35yrs old as my partner of 11yrs pressured me into it saying it wasn’t the right time and he was feeling depressed and suicidal etc.
I really didn’t want to do it and was utterly devastated shortly afterwards when I accidentally discovered he’d been having an affair with a younger woman at work.

Two years later I met my now DH and had a very much wanted child 6 yrs later. Looking back, I accept what happened worked out ok as my life is so much better now and I adore my son and know we’re both wanted and loved by DH.

I don’t think this relationship is right for you as it’s all on his terms. You’re still young and have plenty of time to meet someone who will want a family with you. Please don’t give up on your dreams and settle for anything less. You deserve so much more.

Thanks guys for your replies. I’m just struggling to come to terms with what has happened and I think the things that have been said after it (ie made the wrong choice etc but no more children) has made it much worse for me.

I'm so sorry, @por1993 . Twenty years is such a big gap, you are really in two different stages of life. But he should have realized that and been more supportive of your perspective. I think it's better that you ended things when you realized how much having a child meant to you.

Here's a website where you can share your feelings, if you think it would help: hurtbyabortion.org

I hope you will be able to be a mum in the future and find a partner who is truly compatible and loves you like you deserve to be loved.

Sending love your way, I also recently went through an abortion. It was different for me as we have children together already, but my husband didn’t want anymore and I felt pressured into it. It has broken my heart and I won’t ever be the same.
It’s easy for people to say it’s done now and for the best, but it was still a part of you and the what if’s will always be there. it’s not that easy to just move on.
It does sound like he wouldn’t have been right to have a baby with, chances are he would have left you to it further down the line when it got tough. He’s just been very cruel by messing with your head afterwards. It sounds like you have made the right decision to leave him. It would just end up being filled with anger and resentment over the abortion and having no children of your own if you stayed. Find someone that wants the same things as you and will support you.
Be kind to yourself, cry when you need to, just let it out. You will be ok x