Hi @chellexx , I'm so sorry your partner is putting you in this position. In your first post you said that you two did talk about it, and if you got pregnant you'd keep the baby. And you were using withdrawal method which is famously not very effective. So in essence he was telling you he knew a baby might result and that he would be supportive. But then he's begging you to abort even though he knows what you went through the first time, and that you very much want this baby. That isn't right to do to someone you are supposed to be in a relationship with. He's saying he couldn't cope with becoming a father, but what about you? How would you cope with aborting a wanted baby? It sounds like you are ready to become a mum and give your baby all your love. Of course it's more ideal to have two people there to raise a child, but if he is threatening to end the relationship, you would still have his financial support whether he likes it or not. Though it's not guaranteed, many men become loving fathers after their baby is born. There is a man who I have seen post on Netmums and shares his story. It reminded me of what you're going through so I'm going to copy and paste it here. Again, obviously not all fathers come around after the baby is born, but I'm sure that many change their ways when the baby is less of an idea and more of an actual little person in their arms. I hope your partner will really listen to you and understand what he's asking of you when he says to terminate the pregnancy. Here's Ben's post from Netmums:
Hi Amanda,
"I'm a guy but come on here every now and again as a result of an unplanned pregnancy we had years ago, and I wanted to share the mistakes I made and the lessons learnt from that experience.
Firstly, I just wanted to say that the way you're feeling is very normal. I vividly remember the emotions I felt when I found out - I really struggled.
I put a lot of pressure on her to abort but she wasn’t sure, and I knew deep down that she didn't want to abort.
I tried everything to persuade her - looking back, I was quite nasty.
We men often don't deal with unplanned pregnancies very well and can say some pretty harsh things to get our own way. Not to be deliberately nasty, but just because it seems like the easiest way out.
After a week of going over things, I managed to persuade her to abort. But once we got to the clinic and were given the pills to take, she couldn’t go through with it and literally threw them in the bin!
That was a long time ago now, and despite the fact that the timing was really bad and everything was saying that keeping the baby didn’t make sense, I’m just so relieved that she didn’t allow me to pressurise her into aborting.
It’s something I would have regretted for the rest of my life.
The main thing I learnt from the whole experience, was how panic and the fear of the unknown can hugely affect our thought processes and decision making.
And the horrible thing about that, is we only start to think clearly again once the panic and fear have gone. But by then it can be too late.
When I was in the middle of it, I was only looking at the short term - I wanted the quickest and easiest way out of this unplanned situation and abortion seemed the best way to do that.
Another mistake I made back then was focusing only on the negatives without ever considering the positives, and the positives far outweigh the negatives, even if that seems impossible right now!
The memories you make, the experiences you share and the love you feel for her are truly priceless. Even though you might feel a million miles away from that at the moment.
Abortion can come with a whole host of problems. It's definitely not the quick fix I thought it was and I've seen first hand from others how devastating the emotional consequences can be. And unfortunately, there's no going back.
If it helps, you could try writing him a letter - putting your thoughts, fears and hopes down on paper for him. That way he can understand how you feel without being able to argue back - it worked incredibly well when my wife did!
The main thing to remember, is that you have a tiny life inside of you, someone who you made, and, who if given the chance, will grow up and share their life with you.
And when you look back in years to come, as she does something special or you watch her having fun at a birthday, you'll be so proud that you stayed strong and gave her a chance.
Wishing you and your family all the best."