Lost and don’t know what to do…

[ForOliveCat]

I found out this morning I am 4 weeks pregnant. A surprise after having tried for 4 years previous with my new partner and had decided to accept wasnt going to happen and made peace with that for just over a year. As nothing had happened with my ex husband previously and 4yrs with Fiance now we assumed due to my PCOS it wasnt happening and so continued to have unprotected sex.

I am only 3 days late (have been much longer) but for some reason took a test and saw the 2 lines near enough instantly. It was also an immediate feeling of panic, dread and like i’d received bad news.

I am happy with my life and the thought of being new parents at 42 (me) and 47 (dad) isn’t filling me with hope. At same time we obviously wanted a baby at one point and so scared if I terminate i’ll regret it, but, I was already 50/50 on parenthood years ago so what if we regret keeping?

i also have bad anxiety and worried its just opening me to a life time of it :( I don’t know what to do :(

You can ask the gp for sertraline for your anxiety and keep talking to people about your worries. You may seriously regret it otherwise and the anxiety is far greater the other way around.

It’s naturally shocking and can be panic inducing as it’s such a big change. It could be the most wonderful big change that you ever experience though. Its so hard as you’ve got the hormones you’re battling with too but take a big breath, take your time and think about how you feel in your heart & what wonderful things you could be able to give to a little one. Of course it’s not for everyone but it could be. Just take your time & remember that although there is rightly the option to stop things if you want, there is no option to reset and for the pregnancy to have never happened. You need to be ok with that if that’s your choice.

Four years is a long time to have been trying to conceive, it sounds like you really wanted to have a child. You should consider this your last chance to have a baby. As I'm sure you know, the chance of miscarriage increases a lot after forty so you might want to see if this baby is "meant to be," if you carry to term. Otherwise, you are really not that old to be having a baby - what you lack in youthful energy you make up for with wisdom, maturity, and hopefully better financial position. Don't doubt yourself or let fear take over your thoughts. Do you have other children or would this be your first?

It would be my first child.

Thats why I am so confused… we tried and really wanted then when I got the result it was just dread and I don’t know why :(

You may have anxiety / depression and not realise, may be caused by the hormones. Go to you gp and chat x

How does your partner feel? I think that anxiety is perfectly natural when on the verge of a big life change, even a happy one. The human brain likes a plan, likes to know what to expect. My husband is the type who likes to plan for every possible outcome and sometimes it drives me batty. No matter how well we plan, something we never expected can still happen. That doesn't mean we should just stay at home waching telly where there's no risks. We have to have some confidence in ourselves and our ability to deal with whatever life may bring our way. We are often smarter, stronger, and more resilient than we thought. If we think back to key moments in life, it's often times we did things we didn't think we could do. I got pregnant (unintentionally) less than a year after being married, and we were not physically, mentally, emotionally, or financially ready-- but I knew I wanted to have a child, and suddenly one was taking shape. I decided that I would learn as I went along, and things worked out. Now my daughter is the light of my life and I am so thankful I didn't doubt myself all those years ago. I can't imagine the anguish of four years of trying unsuccessfully to conceive. You have been through so much pain. Maybe you tried so hard to convince yourself that it was all for the best, that when a chance like this comes along, it's hard to feel happy about it. I hope you'll be able to sort out your feelings soon, and that the pregnancy will go well if you decide you do want to continue. All my best to you!

If you are already feeling like you will regret it, you likely will. Termination is very traumatic and yes, finding out you are pregnant can be scary, but the feelings will pass. Give yourself time to think and don't rush into a decision based on fear alone

There are people that truly truly do not want children, never have, it’s just not for them. You don’t sound like one of those people.
People often express how they don’t feel excited, but I didn’t feel excited for my 2nd or 3rd, because I knew it would be bloody hard work and there’s a long road ahead. So don’t worry about that. You will feel different towards the end of the pregnancy when it’s all getting real and you’re going to meet them ❤️ I don’t think you’ll ever regret having a baby but it sounds like you might regret not having one? x

Thank you for your message :)

The

How are you getting on?