I’m sorry if this triggers or upsets anyone - talking about abortion.
I’m 3 - almost 4 - weeks pregnant, a total slip up. Only tested as I had a hunch and was planning to take norethisterone to delay my period next week as I’m abroad, but had heard it can be damaging in early pregnancy.
2 x early clear blue tests, 2 faint lines.
I’ll be 35 next month and have 2 DDs, nearly 6 and nearly 3. We’d made peace with being “done”. DH was meant to have a vasectomy last year but bottled out last minute - suffice to say he’s rebooked it.
I have a counselling call with BPAS tomorrow and a medical consultation on Wednesday… I fly Thursday (our first ever holiday abroad as a family, cannot believe the timing) and will likely have a medical abortion when I come back. I’ll be around 5 weeks.
I cannot believe I’m in this position, but ultimately know we can’t do this. The cost - financially, physically, emotionally. I had PPD with both, my mum is going through chemo, my dad had a stroke earlier in the year and I’m on a FTC so no permanent job. And I’m so grateful for life now; what we have, our beautiful healthy girls. There are no guarantees we’ll be lucky again.
The biggest thing for me is the impact on my DDs and knowing I will be a worse mum for rolling the dice again and stretching myself so thin.
I’m planning to update on my journey because this is heartbreaking but necessary; I want other women in this position to have something to refer to, hopefully a positive outcome and experience - as I have read so many horror stories. And for anyone else in similar shoes, I see you and you’re not alone - whatever you decide.