Found out I'm pregnant 4 months postpartum

[peoniesandtulipsx]

I have 4 month old twins with my husband who were born in January. I also have a 4 year old from a previous relationship (he has no relationship with his dad due to his dad’s behaviour but I’m not going into that or we will be here all day!)
Anyway, I found out a couple of days ago that I’m pregnant again. Obviously not planned and my instant thought was I need a termination. I’ve done the phone calls, the medication is being sent out to me to take at home. It’s my 30th birthday at the weekend and I’m devastated. I feel like that’s ruined for life now as I’ll always associate my birthday with the time I had to have an abortion. My husband and I have had a lot of problems recently and I feel like he’s nowhere near supportive enough so I can’t go through with the pregnancy and I’d never be able to cope with my 4 year old, 1 year old twins, and a newborn alone. Everything in me knows it’s the right thing to do for my current children and for myself, but I’m struggling so much. And then also the thought that if it was multiples again I’d be screwed. Our house is too small for us 5 now never mind any additional children.
I feel so depressed because a small part of me is thinking about what the baby would be, what would they look like if I had them, all the usual emotional stuff but the rational part of me is horrified at the prospect of being pregnant, dealing with all that as well as my other children. I have no family support whatsoever and no friends so I don’t have anyone to talk to at all. I know that it’s the right thing to do for my existing children, their needs come first and I feel like I wouldn’t cope tbh even just being pregnant but I can’t help getting emotional about it.
I’m also terrified of having the termination as I don’t want to be poorly or unable to look after my kids and I know I won’t be able to properly rest so I’m worried.
I’m not looking for anyone to convince me I can make it work, I just wanted somewhere to write this and explain how I feel. And hopefully anyone who’s been in a similar position can reassure me that things will be fine and who’s had a termination and it wasn’t as awful as the horror stories you read online!

@peoniesandtulipsx Hello dear, I saw your message the day you posted but just had to think about it a bit. I tried to put myself in your place and I can feel how overwhelmed and scared you must be. What a terrible shock it must have been to see the positive pregnancy test when your day is already filled with nappies and rocking babies. One sad thing is that you say you and your husband have had problems and that he hardly helps you with the children. I'm sorry that you're feeling so alone. How did he take the news of the pregnancy? With no friends or family for encouragement, and a husband you're having many problems with, my heart aches for you. Whatever happens, I hope maybe you can get involved with a group for mums and small children. We moved to a new town when our daughter was still a baby, and I made a few friends in La Leche League which had meetings at the library. Look on Facebook or other sites and try to find a friendly group you can spend a little time with, even once a week. You need to care for yourself as well!

I've been on this board a while, and abortion pill stories range from "just some cramping" to "pain worse than labor with heavy bleeding and vomiting." Sometimes the bleeding continues for weeks. If you decide to take the pills, you should NOT be alone, trying to take care of infants or making your 4 year old scared if mum is moaning in pain. Your husband should take off work and support YOU and the children. That is not something anyone should have to go through alone. And if you decide you really don't want to abort, and you would rather have another baby, that's a valid choice as well, and maybe your husband would consent to a vasectomy for peace of mind. It's all about deciding what you can live with, which is not easy. I'll be praying for you during this very difficult time. Be good to yourself.

abortion is horrendous regret ruined my life to the extent I’m suicidal please don’t do it