Pregnant not sure who dad is

[Lolo2000]

Please no judgement

My ex and I have been spilt for 9 months, I was with him for 7 years we share a child. My ex has been with his new partner since December, he moved in with her and her children in February.

I met someone late march, I came off the pill in January as I thought I didn't need it anymore, I met someone in march/early April and slept with them twice, both with condoms, however the 2nd time the condom spilt.
2 weeks later, I was on a night out, and I had a car accident on the way home (drunk driver) I called my ex, as I still have his car (he let me use the car until I get my new one) he came back to mine and I had a drink and we stupidly slept together.

Anyway I was due on the 6th May, nothing so I done a test on Sunday and I'm pregnant.

I don't really speak to the guy I met, he turned out to be a idiot.
I know my ex is happy in his relationship, so he isn't going to leave his partner.

Help what to do, I haven't told anyone yet.

@Lolo2000 that's quite a situation to be in. I guess the first thing to ask yourself is if you have been thinking about having a second child. If you have, then this is a time to consider continuing the pregnancy no matter who the father is. There is a blood test that can be done (your blood, not the baby's) in the eighth week of pregnancy that can determine paternity if the man agrees to a cheek swab to compare the DNA. It is called NIPP (non-invasive pre-natal paternity testing). Your ex's new girlfriend may not be so happy with him if she learns he slept with you two months after moving in with her, but maybe she should know. It all depends, you didn't say if you are open to the idea of another child in your life. If the "idiot" is the father, he would be responsible to financially support the child unless that is not a law in the country you live in. He is old enough to know condoms are not 100% effective birth control and he took the risk. I'm sorry for this awkward position you're in, I hope to hear back with what's going on.

@SilverScales thank you. I read about paternity testing yesterday. I would like another child, I've always said I regret not giving my child a sibling, ideally it would be my ex's child but I know he wouldn't leave his gf, he's very happy. Although I agree she should know who she has living with her.

I told the idiot last night, he didn't react well but said he would come over on Saturday to talk. I'm going to tell him the full truth and ask him to do the DNA instead of my ex and then take it from there.

In fortunate enough to have a good job I've been there for years so I should be ok, and I inherited a flat from my godmother a few years back, I think I'll be ok financially but it's the practical support I'll be lacking, if neither of them are willing to step up.
I never thought I'd be in the position, but here I am.
I'm in the UK (London)

Child support is certainly mandatory in England! This might turn out to be a blessing since you've been thinking about having a little brother or sister for your current child. I think you have a good plan to determine paternity. I'm sorry if you still have feelings for your ex and if it is hard to see him living with someone new. I hope he'll still be very involved in the life of the child you have together, and the new baby if it is his. Has your period been very irregular since coming off the pill? You might be able to figure out which man is more likely to be the father based on your last period, especially if it was two weeks in between sleeping with them. Though I guess if you could figure that out, you probably wouldn't be posting here.

I'm glad that you are making good money and have a place to live. If you decide to raise the new baby as a single mum there will be difficult times, but also you'll see a bond grow between your two children and it will get easier in time. How old is your current child? Hopefully old enough to be a bit more independent, and able to help with cleaning up their own toys and little chores. I hope things go okay for you during this uncertain time, all my best to you.

@SilverScales well the idiot was an idiot. I told him everything the full truth and he is happy to a DNA I found somewhere that will do it, my appointment is on Tuesday, should get the results within a few days (at the cost of 795) which I put on my CC. The idiot has said he doesn't want to be involved at all, doesn't know me doesn't want a child with me and wants me to have an abortion if the baby is his.
Obviously I'm upset at this but I understand where he is coming from he's been honest and I baby is his then I know where I stand if I decide to go ahead.
My ex knows something is up, we usually have a 30-60 min catch up on life on hand overs and I've avoided talking to him really. He did tell me a week or so ago that he would like a baby with his new partner one day, I felt so bad.

My periods were pretty much on point, 2 or 3 days out of scope but nothing major. I have a awful feeling that the baby is my ex's I used a ovulation calculator and the dates match up.

I do want this baby, I really do - it's all such a mess. I'll post back next Friday and hopefully I'll have the results.
Thank you

@Lolo2000 Thank you for the update, I have been thinking of you and wondering what happened. I'm glad you will get an answer to the paternity. I'm sorry, but not surprised, at what idiot had to say about the chance of becoming a father. I'm not sure if you meant that you'd definitely abort if he turns out to be the father, but I hope you'll still consider all your options. A neighbor of mine had a one-night thing with a man she met in a bar, accidentally got pregnant, and told him she wanted to have the baby but did not want him involved in any way. He was fine with that and I don't think she even listed a father's name on the birth certificate. She raised her daughter (with a little help from her mum) alone until she met a good man and got married, so the child had a lovely stepfather. The child knows he's not her biological father but I don't think she's bothered about it, she knows her mum had a relationship that didn't work out and that's all there is to it. If you don't really need financial support you could do the same thing- keep the baby but not the idiot, LOL

If your ex is the father, as you suspect, he will be paying higher child support and picking up two children instead of one when he has custody. His new romantic partner might not be happy about that, but she picked him and that's part of being a step parent. I hope that there can be a good outcome for all involved, and that things turn out for the best!

@SilverScales well it's my ex's. I met him on Sunday and told him, it's not gone down too well. He has also told me to abort, he is very happy and in love with his new partner and does not want a baby and regrets it all.
He blocked me yesterday "I've told you what I want and I hope you do what is needed" he said "I'm walking away for awhile to get head straight". So in other words, left it all to me.

It would have been easier if it was the "idiots" but this baby is my DC full sibling. I do not know what to do but I haven't much time as I'm 10 weeks soon.
I did book a midwives booking appointment which is on Thursday I suppose I'll really make my mind up after that.
My friend said to keep it and let him "reap what he sows" but I don't want to be the person that splits up his relationship, and I would be seen as that.

Thankfully no sickness as yet, I was really sick around 6 weeks with my first so I suppose that's something.
I haven't told my family yet, I have no idea what they will say.

Thank you for your thoughts
Oh the idiot also blocked me, told me I was a sket and not to contact him again. Nice lol

@Lolo2000 please don’t feel pressured in to a decision. If his relationship is damaged then it’s his doing and not yours. Also - I’d tend to believe that if he’s that way inclined then if it wasn’t you it would have been someone else. You’ve got to look after your own head, a termination won’t be a reset - this pregnancy will always have happened. There should always be choice. But remember it’s YOUR choice and not someone else’s.

@Poster57 thank you. The midwife pretty much said the same as you.
I'll have a think over the weekend. That's all I've been doing really.
Thank you again

@Lolo2000 I'm so sorry I haven't been on Mumsnet lately so I'm just seeing your update now. I totally agree with @Poster57 -- he made the choice to have sex with you and he knows that a baby is a possible outcome of that. It's crazy how he thinks that's only a problem to his current girlfriend if a baby is the result of that night together. And now that's the only way he can see this situation, not how it will affect you, or your older child, but only how it will affect HIM and his new girlfriend, which is very selfish and immature. Did he even ask you what you wanted, or how you were feeling? It's almost like he wants to to abort to "pretend none of this ever happened," but there is no pretending in this situation. You will be left, at best, wondering how this second child might have turned out, and at worst, hurting and grieving for the child you've lost. You say you have a good income and are living with reduced expenses thanks to your godmother. This choice is too important to put someone else's wishes ahead of your own. If your ex's girlfriend really loves him that much, she will also love and accept BOTH his children. But him expecting you to abort in order to hide his unfaithfulness to her is ridiculous. It sounds like you truly want this child and I hope you will listen to your own heart loud and clear. And you can wave goodbye to the idiot and be glad he's no longer a part of your life. I'll be thinking about you and hoping you can make the best of this situation.

@Poster57 @SilverScales many thanks to you both.
I've decided to keep baby. I told my parents on father's day, they are fully behind me not overly impressed with how conceived but it is what it is and are delighted that my DC will have a full sibling.
I contacted my ex yesterday and told him my decision, he said nothing put the phone down but then called this morning and said we need to talk so meeting him tomorrow, nothing he will say will change my mind, I'm 11 weeks on Saturday it's too close for me to have an abortion. I have my scan booked for 8th July, so for me its a done deal.

Yes it will be hard, but luckily my home is secure, I inherited this flat from my godmother (2 bed) it will work for now (no rent of mortgage) and I have my families support.

Thank you again both for your kind words.

@Lolo2000 thank you so much for the update. I’m delighted to hear this & to hear you sounding so resolute. I have no illusions that it will be easy but I completely believe that you’ve got this and your current little one and their new sibling will thrive. I’ll be thinking of you on 8th July <3

Oh goodness @Lolo2000 , I came back from a little holiday to read your latest update. How did the conversation with your ex go? Like @Poster57 I am glad that you made up your mind and are standing firm about it. If he was hoping to hide the fact that he was not faithful to his new girlfriend from her, that's just too bad for him. And if she plans to stay with him, she should know about what went on. Regardless, if she loves him, she will have to welcome both his children into their home for visits, parties, etc. Having a sibling is one of life's special treasures and I hope that yours will grow up and be close all through the years. Enjoy the baby years and all those after! And I hope your ex will just make the best of things and love the new baby just as he loves the older one.