Early abortion, is it the right choice?

[TheHappyOpalPoster]

Back story, I have two kids age 7 & 3. I always thought I wanted three kids, but the past few months I’ve decided I was done, I was starting to get my life back on track and got rid of all the baby stuff.

I have now just found out I am pregnant, and in the very early stages.. part of me is saying to end it, because if I have it, it’ll be another 2/3 years of just not really feeling myself, but part of me feels guilty to even go through with an abortion.

My husband has made it clear that he thinks it would be for the best sakes of myself, the kids, our relationship and as a family that we shouldn’t continue, and I do agree… but I can’t help but constantly cry and feel guilty over what I am about to do.

I was the same. Ended pregnancy. Biggest regret of my life. Please don’t do it. It’s been the worst 6 months of my life. I would do anything to not do it. Lose my legs, arms anything if I could get baby back

Hey Happy Opal, if you're in the early stages, please don't rush it. If you've long thought about three children, maybe there is room in your family for another. Hasty decisions rarely lead to good outcomes in these situations. Let the surprise of the pregnancy wear off more, and try to see your life two, five, eight, twelve+ years from now. So many of us are "oops" babies whose parent(s) made it work. And so many of the best things in life are not what we planned. I hope you'll take your time, read stories here on Mumsnet of those who are at peace with their abortion and those whose lives are completely changed. Decide what is the bigger risk, for you. I hope you are able to find a way through this, to find a choice you truly feel good about.

In the early weeks it's so easy to get paralysed with fears, anxieties, other people's wants/needs, and the what ifs etc. It's so important, I think, to sit with all the emotions and process them in order to weigh up the reasons for and against. Then you need to do what sits best for YOU as it's you that will be impacted most regardless of decision. Sometimes it's useful to think of your life in the future and how that might look with either option. I personally found that once I drowned out all the noise, and searched deep within me (head, heart and soul), I felt my mind start to clear. Hormones and panic can take over and it was so vital for me to take a step back and breathe, and not make a rushed decision. You've got this and that whatever you choose is the right choice for YOU x

I was in this position a few years ago. We already had 2 dc, found out I was expecting a 3rd. Within a week of finding out, I'd booked a termination. Zero regrets. But that was ME, not you. No one on here can tell you what you should do. It sounds as though you're having doubts on termination, which I never had. Give yourself time OP, think it through, and I hope you come to the right decision FOR YOU.

In the same boat, OP. Found out today. Have two DD ages 5 and 2 (both have birthdays in July, so nearly 6 and 3). Exactly the same as you - sort of on the fence, said I wouldn’t mind if it happened but I’ve been crying all morning. Full of shock, panic, anxiety for what comes if we progress and guilt if we don’t. My biggest fear is the impact on my girls, who have a great relationship. The whole dynamic is blown up. Crystal ball would be good here. Also feel stupid for not taking preventative measures when we’re not 100%.

I had a 2 and a 3 year old when I found out I was pregnant with my 3rd, it had always been hard work because there’s only 11 months between them. So when we found out I was pregnant with the 3rd we initially decided not not to keep it. I then changed my mind, which my husband wasn’t exactly happy about. The pregnancy was hard and I couldn’t feel excited about it for a long time because I knew how much hard work it would be with 3 under 4. BUT, she’s now just turned 1 and it’s honestly been amazing! A lot less hard work than I thought it would be. And I WFH 5 days a week.

I love watching them all play together, love each other, it makes me feel so lucky. Yes it’s hard work sometimes but so is 2.

But, if you’re expecting to feel excited etc straight away then don’t. It will eventually come but you have a lot on your plate already and are probably thinking realistically right now.

I am actually pregnant again now, but I’m unfortunately not going to keep this one because 4 (plus a step child) would just personally be too much for us. So I get both sides and the internal conflict.

It sounds like you will always wonder if you should have had the third. And will that be an easier feeling to deal with than actually having a baby? only you know that.

good luck x