Awful regret

[Wanted39]

Medical termination but had retained products so ended up with operation. Was 4 months. Was 39. Beyond devastated I just panicked, I pray to fall pregnant every day but fear God will say no. I’m desperate I’m depressed and have been suicidal with the sin and grief. I need to feel better and think that’ll happen if I’m pregnant and goes to term. Any others been like this? I don’t know what I’ll do if not pregnant by due date. Every day is so painful

Was 4 months ago meant to say

I was at the limit for termination. Ended it due to fear of not coping which was irrational completely

For medical termination at home I mean at the limit for that pills in post

Hello Wanted39, I'm so sorry for all you've been through.

I would not try to immediately get pregnant again, as there is no guarantee that having another baby will ease your pain and grief. You may want to talk to a counselor of some kind, and also review the circumstances that prompted you to abort. How does your partner feel about this? Was he persuading you to abort, and does he want to try to conceive again? Please don't give in to the feelings of wanting to hurt or punish yourself, you deserve better than that. Get help, a therapist or whatever you can manage. Some clergy will talk with you for free. You can get to a place of forgiveness, of understanding why you did what you did. I doubt that getting pregnant again quickly will take away the feelings you are experiencing. Hope you can get peace back in your life.

I really think you need to leave the idea of ‘sin’ behind. Abortion is not a sin, it is basic healthcare and you have done nothing wrong.

A new baby won't make the abortion go away. Allow yourself to grieve. Yes it will feel horrific but you will get better day by day, and every day you will be healing. It takes time. Have you tried writing a letter to the fetus explaining yourself and apologising (if you feel the need)? Journaling to yourself, exercise, counselling and meditation can also be useful at this time.

I also don't think 40 is seen as old to have a baby nowadays. If in the future you want another baby then of course you should be able to. But now, when you're still in such emotional turmoil and pain, makes me think a new pregnancy would be quite difficult for you on an emotional/mental level. You also need to be absolutely certain that you're having a baby because you want a baby/child, not because you want to fix things.

You need to address what it was that triggered you to feel like an abortion was the only way forward and put it place things to make sure you don't find yourself there again. How will you ensure it's different this time? What if anxiety or depression set in again? I've known of women who rush into another pregnancy hoping it will be a magic wand to rid themselves of the pain or grief, only to find themselves back in the same situation they were in before and end up terminating again.

Sending you strength. You will get through this.

am original poster as login won’t work

it was hideous irrational fear of coping with another (3rd) baby which I’m now receiving therapy for. It will never take away what has happened. It’s awful. But it would help I would love another baby and if pregnant again would push through. If I was fortunate to have a baby it would be an amazing blessing which I did not value before. I just pray it happens soon as would help and would make me feel like God had given me another chance. I had hyperemesis and severe anxiety but I did not realise it at the time. My husband is keen for a 3rd child he did not want the abortion. I have huge upset, guilt and sin

Hospital say if I get pregnant I’d be under the perinatal team and I now have a very good counsellor. I just pray it happens soon I’ve never know pain like this

I mean this with kindness, but you really need to let go of the idea that you have committed some kind of sin. It is not a sin to have an abortion

So I'd advise that you think carefully about what were your fears about having a third baby and how will you address them so that they're not issues this time around. Maybe write the fears/anxieties that made you think it'd be too hard in a list and see which ones are valid and what sensible solutions you can find for them. Then if you do end up getting pregnant again you can look back on it and remind yourself that you can make it work.

As I said before, do take your time to heal as much as you can first, because a new baby will not magically take away the grief and pain of the abortion, it still needs to be worked through. Make sure this isn't a knee jerk reaction to the grief. Your reasons before may seem irrational to you now but they must have seemed very real at the time and you must have thought you were initially making the right decision, so you need to make sure you don't find yourself back in that place if you fall pregnant again.

Good luck whatever you end up doing and I hope it works out well for you.

I was so unwell with hyperemesis I couldn’t do anything and felt I couldn’t look after 3. I could have done when born and sickness stopped but I was mentally in a bad way especially with not eating. It is really really upsetting. I desperately wish a 3rd and to get the help I needed.

I’ve never felt so awful. I adore children. I never thought I would do this. I pray for help from God.