Having an abortion but dont want to

[Itwasachristmasjoke]

I got a call back today and told I have a phone consultation on Monday when il be around 5 weeks.
The problem is even though I know I need to do it, i can't stop crying...bursting into tears randomly when I think about it.

It would be baby no4 and we just don't have the space, we're already in a 2 bed house with 5 of us so I know we can't provide for another child but I feel so much guilt and sadness, I don't know if it's hormones taking over but I'm worrying about how il feel afterwards...

Has anyone else felt like this and been ok?

Hello Christmas, my heart breaks for you and your situation. I've never had an abortion but I've wondered and thought about it, and like you, I don't think I could make that choice. Unless you happen to miscarry in the next few months, you only have three choices - get the abortion, figure out a way to add one more child to your family, or allow another family to adopt your baby. The last one may sound unthinkable, but there are many individuals and couples waiting to adopt, and "open adoption" is an option, where you can still keep in touch with the child, through letters or visits, whatever you prefer. My husband has two adopted sisters and we love them as much as his biological siblings - even though their skin is a different color, we have forgotten they were even adopted. Your tragic circumstances could be someone else's greatest blessing, and you would not have to abort. I'm not saying it's an easy option, but it's an option available to you. Here's a webpage where you can learn more about it:
https://www.youcanadopt.co.uk/nawold/naw2023/

You're wise to be concerned about how abortion might affect you in the months and years afterward. There are many testimonies on this site of people who deeply regretted making that choice. What has your partner said? Is he listening to you and taking your feelings into account? If you had more room in your house would it make a difference?

Some women seem to be able to say "Abortion was the only choice that made sense at the time," but others say "I would give anything to go back in time and find a way to have my baby." The hard part is that we can't know for sure how badly and deeply the experience will hurt until we're there. But sometimes our heart is whispering clues to us. I hope you'll be able to find a way through this and I'll be praying for you, dear.