Boyfriend of 3 years wants me to terminate second pregnancy

[Annelucy567]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years.. we live together, he has a good but stressful job, we’re planning to get married, I am a stay at home mum as we have an amazing and happy 12 month old son. I’ve just found out I’m pregnant again (we haven’t been careful at all) so even though I was surprised and scared, I’m happy deep down as I’ve always wanted 2 children closer in age. He is 100% certain he wants me to abort the baby as it is too soon, and he is worried it will affect our relationship and his work. However, I really don’t feel comfortable doing this, especially as we haven’t been careful with contraception especially on his part so I feel it would be a selfish choice. He has basically given me the ultimatum to agree with him and have a termination, and have a second baby another time when it’s “right,” or I’ll be doing it all alone because he won’t love this baby. I feel a bit emotionally blackmailed, and to be honest his reasoning is that having another baby will strain our relationship but I think the resentment I’ll have for him after forcing me to have a termination will be worse for us. I’ll constantly be wondering “what if” all my life, thinking they’d be this age now etc etc. I know it’s hard and tough, but life is. I feel so alone

Keep the baby. You clearly want it and therefore would almost definitely regret an abortion. He will have to take responsibility in one way or another - it's monumentally selfish of him to have unprotected sex and know you would like another child and then turn around and behave like this.

Congratulations and good luck. Do you have other family you trust to talk to? Hopefully they will support you and back you up.

@Annelucy567 Keep your baby . Do not have a termination based on emotional black mail. My child's dad this to me and I have regretted my termination ever since ! You give him the ultimatum and tell him accept your decision or he can leave . You take back your power ! The emotional suffering after a termination when you wanted to keep the baby is horrific I wouldn't wish it upon any soul. Do not do it ! Take your power back 💕 Congratulations x

Annelucy, I'm so sorry your partner is treating you like this - that isn't love! For him to want to tell you what to do in this situation is all wrong. You are a stay at home mum so I don't even see what the difference is. You're correct to say that many women feel burnt up with resentment when their partner insists that they terminate a wanted pregnancy. I know I would! Is he usually like this, meaning, does he feel he gets the power to make decisions that affect both of you? Just because he's earning the money does not mean he has total say in what happens in your relationship. Maybe you can show him this thread of how devastating many women feel after an abortion:
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/pregnancy_choices/4781430-post-abortion-regret?page=1
The grief and regret are real, immense, and not talked about enough.
If you are having trouble reaching an agreement, and you feel you'd be happy with two children, maybe you can suggest he get a vasectomy so that you'd both know that there will be no more surprises. However, if you think you might like more children down the road (it can be very hard to know), you might end up resentful again if he got sterilisation before you were ready. Like other people have said though, this is too important to allow him to be the sole decision-maker when this is a wanted baby for you. Having two children close in age sometimes gives the parents more time together since the children can entertain each other. I hope he will really listen and realize he will most likely love the second child as much as the first.