Heart vs Head

[TwinklyNavyNewt]

I had an abortion when I was younger and whilst I was sad about it, it was the right decision and I didn’t want to be tied to that man for the rest of my life.

I find myself in my 30s and pregnant again. I always thought I’d only ever have one abortion. That if it happened again, it was meant to be and I would keep it, no matter what. I don’t want to be someone who uses abortion as a form of contraception, and my first one ruined my mental health for a long time.

I have been with my current boyfriend for 6 months. I don’t feel like he likes me very much. He hasn’t said he loves me. A song I’ve been listening to a lot lately pretty much sums up how I feel about our relationship at the moment - Messy by Lola Young. I wanted this baby. I was so excited. I have a scan booked. I bought announcement gifts for my family.

And when it’s good, it’s good. But it feels very 50/50 on the good and bad. And whilst I want this baby, I’d need him to do it. And I don’t think I want to be with him with how up and down he is. I genuinely think he has an undiagnosed personality disorder.

But I know if I have an abortion it is going to break me mentally again.

I am so torn on what to do. I feel so alone. He won’t even commit to whether he wants me to keep it or not.

What if this really is my last chance to have a child? I feel so stupid.

If you want the baby then keep it, but if I'm honest I would be of the mind set of doing it as a single parent, and you need to decide if that's what you want. Lots of women have managed but I do think it's important to have a strong support network around you. He doesn't have to be involved but you need to think carefully as obviously he will have some rights. Good luck to you.

Hi Twinkly, I'm sitting here listening to the song you mentioned, and I can imagine the kind of pain you're in. The line "I want to be me, is that not allowed?" really stood out to me, it says a lot. I feel for you, because you say you'd like to be a mum and have this baby, but he's not even excited about becoming a father. What kind of support do you have from your family? Do you think they'd be able to give any kind of help? Are you living with your partner? In most places, the father is obligated to pay child support, which could help on the financial side. If you visit a pregnancy center, they may be able to tell you more about any aid that is available to you. You have already experienced a painful abortion and know how it affected you, to the extent you vowed "never again." Your mental health was deeply damaged and your partner should understand that for you, it's not something you want to do again if you have any choice in the matter. It's so sorrowful when a wanted pregnancy ends in abortion. I hope you'll be assertive and try to make him understand how much this means to you. I hope to hear back from you with how things are going, and praying there is a way through this with a happy ending for mum and baby.