Pregnant and Panicking

[MissMarvel3008]

I really need some advice. I am 12 weeks pregnant following four years infertility and a successful round of IVF.

Whilst I was going through infertility and IVF treatment, my boyfriend was very supportive.

However, since I’ve been pregnant, he has become disinterested and negative surrounding the pregnancy.

He never asks how I’m doing, doesn’t take an interest in the baby present or future.

we’ve had a conversation a few times recently and he keeps telling me how tough it’s going to be. That it’s going to be really tough, but we can’t afford it as we don’t have savings and how difficult it’s going to be for me going back to work after six weeks but I have no choice. The most recent conversation he said that he tried to tell me all of this before the IVF but I didn’t listen. I was upset by that comment as there were times when I considered not going through with the IVF and he pushed for me to do it.

He was so brutal the other day I ended up crying and I felt like I’ve been handed a death sentence with this pregnancy. He then calmly tells me he didn’t mean to be mean.

So much so I now no longer want to go ahead. I tried to explain this to him and he said we spent so much money on IVF we have no choice.

I feel trapped by what now seems a awful decision. Am I fair to reconsider my options without him ?

I'm so sorry that what should be a happy and exciting time is being dampened by your partner's behavior. Getting pregnant after four years infertility sounds like a very much wanted baby! Is he a problem solver that is always looking to prevent any possible bad outcome? My husband is like that, he has back-up plans galore and is always trying to optimize our house, finances, etc. Sometimes I have to remind him that we can take precautions, but that we can't anticipate every problem in life and only have to deal with things day by day. Do you think your partner is suddenly feeling pressure now that there's an actual due date, and he doesn't feel ready? You can read every baby book and webpage, and have the baby's room all stocked, and still not really feel "ready." Many men get anxious during pregnancy but then once the baby comes, all the anxiety melts away and they're in love with the new addition to the family. No, not in every case, but often.

I don't know if you can afford counseling, but it sounds like you could both benefit from it, especially if he was the one pushing for parenthood when you were getting the IVF treatment. If not (or if he won't go), maybe you can write him a letter about how he's making you feel, or try to have a heart-to-heart about it. Maybe he will say what he is afraid of, and perhaps it can be addressed, or you can determine whether they are valid fears or not. Either way, you've worked so hard to bring this baby into the world, I hope he will stop being overbearing and start supporting you like he should. Are your families excited about having a new grandchild? Hope to hear back from you dear.