Surgical abortion 13 weeks

[KRP8]

Hi. Please no judgment. I am 9 months postpartum, accidentally pregnant while on contraception and also took emergency contraception which failed. I am 12 weeks and 4 days pregnant, and have just found out that it’s twins. Me and my partner are absolutely devastated, heartbroken and terrified. We are seriously considering a medical termination but my heart is broken. I know I wil be a shell of myself if I terminate. But I know that my relationship, financial situation, living situation, emotional and physical health will be absolutely torn to shreds if I go through with the pregnancy.
please can anyone help me I am so broken

I am so sorry its such a hard place to be in- especially as the decision is usually painted as black or white but in reality its so much more grey. longer term were you planning on having another? until you found out it was twins were you going ahead with the pregnancy? some of the panic will be shock. can you access some counselling to process the news and what you want to do? ARCH or Stillwaters are charities in the UK that can support. think through some of the practicalities- and were some of your worries things you worried about first time? for example i was so worried about money but then weve actually been ok. and also yes the first couple of years will be intense but people do manage and things get easier as they get older. dont just think about the first couple of years. its easy for the brain torush to the negatives and think thats the only solution but as you said not going ahead causes mental scars which can be difficult. please get some counselling as its one of those decisions you cant unchange x

I have spoken to a midwife counsellor. We have absolutely no family network to support us. It is a high risk pregnancy, and we already have a 9 month old undergoing tests for a neurological disorder which is a huge worry in itself. Long term yes we would have liked another child, but never two. Now I know that no matter what we decide this will be my last pregnancy. I don’t ever want to feel this way again, and have truly never felt so devastated and low. I know I would not cope mentally being tied in the house with 3 children, it’s not something I ever ever wanted for me or my partner and certainly do not want to put my daughter at risk. I want to be present and able to give our daughter my undivided attention, take her on holidays without fear of money, go back to university and complete my nursing studies. None of which will be possible if we are paying for3 babies to attend a nursery. It all seems so impossible. And I know that people do it, millions of people have twins and they just adjust. But I just don’t think me or my partner will survive this

You sound like you’re in complete panic fight or flight mode. It’s so so hard - your brain would have you believe it’s black and white just now but it really isn’t. It’s so so hard but try and slow everything down, your brain, your thoughts, your decisions. Know that a termination isn’t a reset button, things don’t revert to how they were as if this pregnancy never happened. A lot of the financial and practical concerns just work themselves out. If anything I’d be more concerned about the medical side, might be worth trying to speak to a consultant to see what their views are on the risks etc. @ the end of the day, whatever you decide you need to be able to tell yourself that you’ve done everything possible to ground yourself and look at it more objectively (not ignoring the importance of what your heart says when it ignores any ‘practicalities’)

I wouldn’t wish this feeling on anyone. I’ve never ever felt so broken in my whole life, and I have been through plenty. I just wish this wasn’t happening. I know that mentally and emotionally this will ruin me either way. But I would rather be the best mum and happy for one daughter, than miserable and struggling with 3. Truly have never felt so hurt in all my life. I feel as if I am already grieving these babies, like I’ve already lost them when I’m choosing to do this. But it doesn’t make it any easier just because I’m choosing it. I would absolutely love to be able to keep them, and I feel like the worst mum in the world for doing something to hurt something so precious. I feel like I’m dying

Also to add we currently rent a 2 bed house and have been given notice due to landlords selling, so we actually have 4 months to move home and there is no where to go. In which time I could very likely go into preterm labor, as this is a high risk pregnancy in which most twins of this type are delivered around 33 weeks. There are so so many consequences to keeping them. I don’t ever ever want to look at my life and my daughters, and realise that I’ve put her childhood in a happy home in jeopardy out of fear of having a termination. I know either way I’m going to need some serious therapy after this, I feel absolutely devastated and broken and can’t see a way out of this all

It’s a horrendous place to be. The charities that @Saskia2023 mentioned are well worth a call. Wish you all the best whatever the outcome OP.

@KRP8 what did you decide?