Abortion

[Tamzin456]

Please please don't judge me xx
I have just had a medical termination at 5 weeks due to my mental health which was affecting my kids, my life. It wasn't planned it was a failed contraception. We didn't want anymore. Both my pregnancies were tough and I had severe anxiety and panic throughout.

I feel like I've made the biggest mistake of my life and I don't know how to move forwards now. I did what I thought was right to protect my kids but now this is even worse. I can't eat and I can't sleep and I don't know how to accept what I have done. I am having panic attacks, anxiety attacks the same as when I was pregnant which is why it led me to this decision. I wish I was stronger. I just feel so much guilt and regret and wish I could run back time. Does it get any easier? Xx

Hi, please please be kind to yourself. No one is harsher to us than ourselves, especially at the worst and hardest times. It does get easier, coming from a new first time mum who has previously had an abortion also due to mental health. It does get better. I don’t have much else to say other than I hope you are okay, you have done the right thing for yourself and your family. There are helplines you can call, or even your local clinic should be able to offer you some sort of counselling or support. No one speaks about the pain and grief that comes with a termination, people often don’t understand the absolute agony and trauma that comes with it. Please seek support, you truly deserve to be happy and to move forward without any more pain, it really is the hardest decision to make.
The care of yourself x

Hi,
It does get easier but it takes time. Trust yourself - you did what you thought was right at the time and your intentions were selfless and good. If it just happens then your hormones are going crazy too. I believe that for some women the hormonal crash is basically like a form of postnatal depression, and the anxiety and stuff that goes with it is similar to what women sometimes describe for menopause. I also couldn't eat or sleep after mine. I'd advise you to let yourself grieve, cry and feel the loss, it's all valid. And if it doesn't start to ease then try antidepressants too, even short term, you're mind won't be your own at the moment and at the least they will give you some head space after a couple of weeks.

Wishing you the best. You will get through this.

@KRP8
@Redemption16
Thank you for your messages xx
I feel like my heart is breaking, and I have this constant anxious pain in my chest and stomach.
I don't know how I am going to get through this. I feel so sad that I couldn't be strong enough to go through with jt because this is so much worse 🙁xxx

please dont blame yourself- im pro choice but the clinics really need to give people more support when mh plays a part of they don't warn you about the potential mh crash after and how if your mind is already anxious you can feel even worse after. it is like a grief and also a trauma- if you are in the UK phone ARCH- they offer a helpline and can speak with you or STILL WATER. They literally saved my life at points. it will get bette over time but in the meantime message us on here. theres a few of us on here who have been where you are and been a support to each other x

@Saskia2023 thank you. I feel like I can't carry on. I look at my kids and feel so guilty and so much regret. It's breaking my marriage because I can't get over what I have done. I don't see a way forward. Xx

totally get how you are feeling. it was the worst few weeks of my life- i literally could not sleep, eat and was self-harming in front of my husband and just crying. i had the termination as i was woriied about my existing children but couldnt even be in the same room as them after. it will get better like any trauma- it will always be part of your story but i can now go weeks without thinking about it. please do access help- it is a traumatic event for some people and there is support out there x

@Saskia2023 xx
I was so sure I was doing the right thing for my children. I haven't slept in a week or eaten properly. My husband never wanted anymore, and I didn't think I did either. He works away a lot, he's never here, my pregnancies with my two I ended up on meds throughout and my son was born early and loads of concerns were raised about him at 6 weeks old so I blamed the meds. He's okay now but it was a tough year with him I ended up leaving my job. All I want to do is get pregnant again. But my husband is like no I am happy with what we have. I don't know if getting pregnant again would fix this. But he's so against it xx

please dont rush into another pregnancy- the desire to get pregnant again is the hormones and it wont replace what has happened. you ned to grieve first. please contact a charity to get some counselling- you dont have to go through this alone as it can be very isolating as its not something you really talk to people about in real life x