I have just escaped an abusive relationship where among other things, I experienced coercion to become pregnant for my partner, something I did not want as I feel I am too old and having suffered severe post natal depression after having my son in a prior relationship, felt would be detrimental to me and my little boy. That is a long and complicated story and one I feel ashamed and stupid about, but I did become pregnant, unwillingly.
I was under pressure to keep the baby, but I eventually braved it and received a medical abortion kit. I took the Mifepristone and my pregnancy symptoms disappeared. As an emetophobe and having a general terror of these things (I suffered a terribly traumatic labour and also a missed-miscarriage some years ago) I was unable to follow through with the Misoprostol, I couldn't make myself do it because I was terrified of the pain, the illness and coping alone. However I was convinced the pregnancy had ended and that I would naturally pass the pregnancy at some point.
A few days ago my breasts became sore again. I was scanned today and the pregnancy is ongoing.
I am devestated. I am now 9 weeks pregnant. A gestation that for me, personally, is making abortion a far more emotionally difficult prospect, but i'm absolutely certain I won't risk my mental health and the possible ramifications on my parenting of my son by having another child. I now need to either re-do the medical proceedure or book a surgical and hope that the waiting time is fast...which it is unlikely to be in my area.
I feel so conflicted....this poor thing has survived Mifepristone, for nothing. Only for me to do this to it again. I feel like the worst person on earth. Im lost and scared and in turmoil and I don't understand why the Mifepristol did not cause detachment.
Nobody knows this is happening, this is a horrible burden to carry so I suppose I am looking for empathy, advise, a hand-hold...I just don't know :(