Abortion at 16 weeks

[Carlz1111]

Please no judging 😭
I've been suffering with my mental health since becoming pregnant. I've had a lot of trauma these past 2 years.
Haven't bonded at all and have a dark cloud over me.
I've booked in for a termination but I'm so so scared. Anyone been in the same boat? Everyone knows I'm pregnant also so worrying about telling everyone.
Any personal stories or advice please ? 🥺 Xxxx

Please prepare for a very traumatic procedure as the baby has fully developed by now. Maybe you can ask to be put to sleep during this so you don’t have to physically birth your baby. Could you do some counselling beforehand to make sure you are making the right choice here? I’m sure abortion agencies offer this if you ask, please be sure of your decision as once it’s made there is no going back. Sending you all of the best wishes. 💐

They have said they will put me to sleep. Thankyou for your kind words ❤️

You are so welcome. How old are you OP? Would this have been your first baby? Do you want to share your reservations on why you don’t want to continue or have you 100% made your mind up so you don’t see the use in sharing? 💐

I'm in my 30s. I have a child from a previous relationship. My mental health has not been good. I don't feel bonded at all. no excitement jst something I can't see. Finances are a worry and ultimately my current partner has some work to do on his mental health etc

OP, was this a planned pregnancy? I suffered from severe antenatal depression during my recent pregnancy. I prayed for a miscarriage and considered termination daily until the dark cloud finally lifted around 24 weeks (with the help of antidepressants and therapy). Please consider counseling before making your decision. My baby is now 9 months old and I feel like a totally different person than when I was pregnant. Hormones can heavily influence our thoughts during pregnancy.
No judgement if you’ve already made up your mind. I just couldn’t read without replying after my experience.

I think this is great advice. I was also going through antenatal depression and felt similarly to how you are feeling now and I wanted to end the pregnancy so many times but in the end I chose to go ahead and once that dark cloud lifted I was almost hysterical at the thought of what I could have done to my baby but I knew it was because my hormones and mental health was all over the place and granted I didn’t have the most ideal situation at the time but once my baby was born and I got to hold her for the first time and raised her in the years to come the bond I feel now is unbreakable. You say you don’t feel bonded but this is completely normal at this stage, I felt most bonded when my baby was out in the world as I’m sure you will too. Your child will have the joy of a sibling and once you see them together, it will all make sense and suddenly you won’t feel so overwhelmed. I’m pregnant again now and with all of the hormones it is very tiring and exhausting actually but I just keep thinking that at the end of all of it will be the most precious reward and I will be on-top of the world. I just wanted to share you with you my own experience and see if that helps. 💐💐💐

I do have the same worries as you but somehow we make it work and it doesn’t seem so bad in actual practicality sometimes our mind can make mountains out of molehills when processing our lives, decisions and actions but in reality it isn’t all that bad.

Have you got any overarching symptoms that could be clouding your judgement? I had awful nausea and morning sickness which is only just easing up now due to medication coming up to 10 weeks but I was seriously considering ending it all when I was admitted to hospital over four times for IV drips for dehydration, I felt majorly depressed but some way, somehow it got better, I’m still not 100 through it but I am much better than I was and not having those scary thoughts anymore. Did you want this baby initially? If so, did something happen between you and your partner for you to change your mind? 💐💐💐

Hey Hun X sorry you've been through the same it's not a good place to be. Yes I have terrible nausea and vommiting which eased around 12-13 weeks. I kind of went with the flow of a baby but actually in hindsight it wasn't something I truly wanted. I'm just tormented everyday about what to do 😭

Thankyou for the advice. I never really wanted another baby really and have not felt anything since being pregnant I just feel depressed Ive had some therapy and antidepressants xxx

Yes was planned but kind of went with what partner wanted but actually when I look back it's not what I wanted. The thing is I'm not 100 sure on my partner either and feel he has work to do. It's so hard when taking a big decision either way

The nausea and vomiting could definitely be a factor in this. It’s so so so shit to experience such bad nausea and even after it is gone I still feel on edge that it might return and this does make me feel really anxious. I’m going to be so real with you, I felt just like you but in my heart I knew that if I did abort the baby so late into the pregnancy I would genuinely be tormented by the experience for my whole life and I would never get over it because the dates and years of the life I couldn’t see would haunt me, despite this though I didn’t have rose-tinted glasses on, I definitely knew that it would be tough with a newborn with no family help but I knew that at the end of the rough days, I would feel calm and at peace and even happy at the prospect of holding my little baby so I guess in the end I went with the short-term discomfort for the long-term reward rather than a quick fix in the moment that would cause long-term distress for me. I’m much too curious about everything to be able to have an abortion and just forget about it. I think you have to truly ask yourself where you think your mental health would realistically be after an abortion which at this stage wouldn’t be as simple as just taking a pill, it’s a whole surgical procedure for a fully formed child. Ask yourself the hard questions and hypothetically try to see where your head would be at after an operation like that and the prospect of not having your baby. Hormones can be so deceiving so even if you feel dead set on what you want to do now, this might change once the procedure is done and the hormones (and the clouds, so to speak) have been lifted. It sounds like you are going through some antenatal depression and I am right there with you, I know how tough it can be but in my mind I know after this pregnancy is over and I have my own little baby swaddled in my arms I know it will be worth it.

Do you have family support or are you on your own? Is your partner a supportive force? Does your child know that you are pregnant? How old is your DC?

I want to try and understand more about your situation so that I can be better informed to help you with this. You will get through this and you will look back on all of this one day and it will be a distant memory, would you like that memory to be one with your child that will be by your side laughing about it with you or without them? It is truly down to you, I am here for you 💐💐💐

Bless you. I think it was a factor because it really got me down but saying that I haven't bonded with pregnancy, when I look deep within it wasn't actually something I wanted and I am the bread winner my partner isn't really in a position and it would possibly fall on me. Our rent is very high and bills coming out ears and I have to think of my son that's already here he's 9.

I have thought about abortion Vs keeping the baby. Sometimes I think just have the baby to avoid any upset or grief from termination but that's not the answer either way is hard but I think I'm leaning more to wards abortion because I need time for me, I need to heal and sort out myself first

I’m sending you strength at this time OP, I hope you will be feeling better soon. Have you had a termination before? Just so you can prepare yourself for how you will feel, please do maybe take some time and weigh up your options before making any rash decisions. Whatever you choose to do I’m always here if you need a chat you can PM me 💐

No never have. But I think this pregnancy is not what I want even though it's killing me to feel this way. I feel I need to put my own health/ mental health first. Thankyou for the lovely words

How are you doing now OP? Sending you love and hugs 💐💐💐

I'm a little better appointment is on Friday I hope I will be able to recover from it x

Are you 100% sure of your decision now? It’s not too late to pull out if not but in the same breath if you are sure now I wish you all the best and do keep me posted on how you are either way! 💐🩷

I don't feel I will ever be 100 but I kind of want to get it out the way so I'm guessing I'm more heading towards that waynxxx

I have also been experiencing a change of heartin what I want to do because of how nauseous I have been. I can't believe how much I'm throwing up in the day, I'm too weak to wash or shower never mind play with my daughter I've been bed bound since I found with my head either hanging over a sink or a toilet bowl I've lost 10% of my body weight in the space of 10 weeks I have crippling fatigue to the point where if I try to get up I feel as though I've been drugged and must go back to bed. I have tried three different anti-sickness medications and one of them made my bowels completely shut off so I've know got a sore rear end from straining so much. It’s all so debilitating and I'm feeling massively, massively depressed I really just want my old self back so I can have the energy for my daughter and life again! I've already been to hospital four times for IV and fluids, I don't see a way out of all of this, I don't know if I can go another 30 weeks feeling like this or even 10, my soul has been crushed and stampled on because this is a much wanted baby but I just can't face what I'm going through I honestly feel like I'm dying slowly every single day that's how bad I feel. Sorry for the long message 😭😭😭😭💐💐💐💐💐💐

Did you go through OP? I’m 16 weeks now