Torn on what to do 3rd child

[OneLoudAmberFox]

Hi

For some background context I’m 32 yo. DH is 36yo and we already have 2 beautiful children DD who is 4 and DS who is 2. We’ve recently found out that I’m 7 weeks pregnant. Unplanned and the result of contraceptive failure, DH is on the waiting list for a vasectomy.

This couldn’t have happened at a worse time of year (Christmas) and I’m so torn on what to do. I had risky pregnancies with my 2 children, our house and car is big enough but a 3rd would put a strain on our finances as well as the lack of support we have from family and friends - DD and DS have always gone to a childminders when we work due to the lack of extended support we have. We both work full time. DH was initially set on a termination but ultimately says it’s my decision and he’ll support me whatever I choose. We have an appointment booked in a clinic for the first week of January but I’m so torn on what to do. I’ve done nothing but cry. I don’t know if I can go through with a termination, I think I’d get there and be a mess. But I worry that we won’t be able to give DS and DD the life they currently have if we bring a 3rd into the mix - holidays, day trips etc. I wish someone could make the decision for me

Suppose I am posting to see if anyone has been through similar and what your outcome was?

TIA

It's up to you and it's your life, you have to explore all angles and make the decision you feel most comfortable with (not your husband). I'd encourage you to speak to as many people in real life, family/close friends, as you feel able to because going through something like this in isolation makes it harder. Whatever you end up doing is probably not going to feel ideal for a while and it's ok to continue the pregnancy but feel sad about what could have been or to terminate and feel sad about what could have been.

For what it's worth, I have three children and came very close to terminating my third. I basically didn't make a decision and then it got so late that by not making a decision I had made my decision, if you see what I mean. I had a tricky pregnancy emotionally, although it eased a lot after 20 weeks, but now he's here have found it much easier than I imagined. A lot of my negative thoughts were just from anxiety rather than reality and there are lots of nice things about having three. But that again doesn't mean it'll be the same for you of course. You know your life better than a stranger on the internet.

Somehow, some way, life will always work itself out in the end if your baby is what you truly want. All the best ❤️

@OneLoudAmberFox i am so sorry you are going through this. I found myself in the same situation in August. 2 children already, worried about ‘rocking the boat’ by having another and taking away from them by adding an extra person to factor into our finances.

I ended up having a termination and it almost broke me. We both did not realise how much the decision would impact us.

We came to realise that in the bigger picture expensive holidays and trips aren’t what matters most to us. We felt that we can still make memories as a family without these things. We actually decided to try again after this experience as I felt it was what I needed to move past the trauma.

Im not saying that for you a termination wouldn’t be the right decision, im just sharing that for me it was absolutely the wrong decision. Whatever you decide just make sure that you are absolutely sure it is what you really want.

@Sweeeetie
Thank you for your reply and for sharing your experience, I’m so sorry you had to go through that too. It’s such a horrible situation to be in, I feel like I’ve been there in body for my children over Christmas but not in my mind if that makes sense.

We have a surgical termination appointment booked for tomorrow, but I can’t bring myself to take the tablet today for the cervical prep. I’m just heartbroken and don’t know what to do for the best.

I hope you are healing ❤️‍🩹

@OneLoudAmberFox I completely get what you mean about not being there for your children. That was me during August, the stress of the situation added in with hormones and sickness. I felt like I was barely functioning.

If you have any hesitations can you ask for counselling before you make your final decision? I had counselling after and it has helped a lot.

@Sweeeetie I had the procedure done today, I had a huge meltdown before and after I took the tablet yesterday. But surprisingly I’m feeling pretty ok at the moment, feeling thankful for my 2 wonderful children I already have, and I’ve realised it wouldn’t have been fair to risk my life and potentially leave them without a mum. Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me, it’s comforting to know I’m not alone in this.
Take care my lovely