Abortion at 7 weeks 4 days

[HelloED]

I need a little bit of help whether that’s someone to just take the time ti read this thread or respond to me.

im in a bit of a dark hole at the moment, I found out I was pregnant and my instant reaction even though I hadn’t been using protection was instant fear. My head had been spiralling with is it a good time right now, will I be able to cope mentally as I’ve been suffering with my mental health so much as of lately. I’ve had 3 abortions in my lifetime excluding this one. One was forced at 18 years old, the second was my partner and I just met and accidentally fell pregnant and we had no house and we both was not ready. But this time everything should have been just right? Both have jobs we live together now.. yet all I felt as soon as I found out I was pregnant at 3 weeks was instant worry.. I worried myself that much with negative thoughts of what ifs and stressing myself out that I couldn’t cope anymore. I cried myself to sleep and even though my partner told me everything would be fine and not everyone’s instal reaction is always happiness I couldn’t help but think I couldn’t do it? Why? I don’t know?

I ended the pregnancy at 7 weeks and 4 days and I have never felt heartbreak like it. To see it and to hold it and knowing what i had done … I’m feeling such unforgivable sadness. Abortion clinics tell you it’s just a period and you won’t see anything. Well this was traumatic and excruciating and the end result was seeing my 7 week old baby. How can I forgive myself? How can I move on from this. I feel such regret and pain.

I know my partner says that we will get through this and it was better doing that than feeling the way I was doing 6 months down the line.

but I want a family, children.. I know I would be such a caring mother but why do I get such horrible painful thoughts as soon as I fall pregnant that I worry myself to death.

im sorry for anyone who has to read this 🙁 but the suffering is far to much at the moment and I just need all the help I can get right now

The clinics and everyone who is pro-abortion lie. We been indoctrinated all our lives to think it is an ok thing to do. I had my abortion also at 7 weeks, more than a year ago. There is no escaping this quilt. I am sorry.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, I've been there. You did nothing wrong and you didn't know what the repercussions on your mental health would be. Scream, cry, do whatever you need to do, and eventually it will not hurt so much.
Get on anti depressants too. Even just for a short period.
I started feeling better around the due date (even though I'd been dreading it) as I realised the circumstances would really have made things hard. Until then I cried most days.
If this has made you realise you do want to be a parent then I think that's fine too. But wait and don't rush it out of grief, because a new pregnancy won't make the grief disappear.

Thank you for your message. My heart honestly feels so heavy right now.. I’m so choked up with feelings of grief, sadness and complete regret. I had no idea many women go through this during when they are pregnant.. I wish I had gotten help sooner than struggling on my own to which caused me to end the pregnancy. I really don’t want this to affect me and my partner but I can see how he looks at me and how he just doesn’t know what to do with me. I was torn for 5 weeks some days ide push myself and tell myself it be ok and to keep the baby and be happy but the vast majority my head would spiral with intrusive thoughts that I couldn’t cope with it in the end. I so want to be a mum… I’m almost 30 and I feel like I gave up the perfect time to have a child. I just feel so heartbroken

I have truly been there! It was such a dark and painful time. But you are only 30, that's so young, you have so much time! I'm in my mid 30s and so many women my age and older are having their first babies. Things will get better. It won't go away but it will get easier, keep on living and you'll find that someday it's not so painful. Life does move on if you let it.

I went on sertraline and it really helped with the intrusive thoughts. Helped me think about other things. I never stayed on it for long but it took the edge off a bit. It really was like I had some weird post natal depression.

For what it's worth, mine was February 2023. I'd say by the due date I was only just feeling a bit better, but actually once that passed things did get gradually lighter. I still think about it but it doesn't hurt like it used to. You'll get there too.

Very surprised you felt better after the due date. For me it was the final nail in my coffin.

Very surprised you felt better after the due date. For me it was the final nail in my coffin.

Sorry Aegean I just don’t think your comments are necessary when someone is absolutely devastated. Just be kind…

Sorry you’re feeling this way.
i was feeling very similar for months and months after I had a surgical termination.
It’s a bizarre and overwhelming set of emotions because your body knows you lost the baby but your head knows why. Your grieve but you don’t feel you have the right to grieve.
please get help, I wish I had but I was to ashamed to go to the doctors and admit I made a mistake and it was killing me.
Be kind to yourself, it does get easier to live with.
i still cry when i think about it and mine was in April 23 but it’s no where near as painful as it was.

When I got to the due date, I think I started to see that some of the reasons I'd had actually had some validity and it would have been hard to have a baby at that stage. Before that I'd tortured myself that I should have tried harder to carry on.

Our minds can play dangerous tricks on us. Trust that you made the right decision in that moment - your past self did what it thought was best and didn't know what the aftermath would be. The only person harmed by the decision is yourself. A tiny embryo has no awareness.

I think for me having also had a miscarriage and an ectopic pregnancy, it sort of helped keep in perspective that not every pregnancy is destined to end in a baby - as tragic as that is. But grief is one of the hardest things to go through. You have to let yourself feel and accept it, but also know it won't be like this forever. Take the antidepressants to help stop the ruminations and try and throw yourself into the life you have.

Unfortunately I feel very differently to you. As the months pass I realise more and more how dumb my reasons were and how much the councilor lied and manipulated me. It was a decision made in panic when I couldn't think straight because I was so sick. I don't relate with the version of me that made the decision at all. It was a grave mistake and it will always be. It has been one year and three months and it hasn't faded at all. Sorry if this is hard to hear op, i am just as devastated. The positive stories are the only ones heard and they skew reality.

That is your depression talking - the voice that will not accept things could ever be better. Yes it's a shit time and it's ok to feel like you got it wrong, but you need to seek help for the depression now. Like I've said, please do try medication. Things will get better. If you were happy with your life before then you can find happiness again. There is more to life than this. Right now the depressive voice is writing you a narrative that is untrue. If you had kept the baby, you wouldn't have known this side of the coin, maybe you would have still had an abortion but at a later date, maybe you would have suffered terrible pre natal or post natal depression and never felt happy about the pregnancy. You can't make believe a rosy alternative of how things could have been when you don't know. Do you really wish you had a baby or do you just wish you hadn't had the abortion because of how it's made you feel afterwards?

I was honestly suicidal and cried every day for months. I would drive to work and scream in the car. In fact here is a list of things I tried to 'cure' myself:

• wrote a letter to the 'baby' apologising
• planted a fruit tree
• did rituals by the full moon
• did rituals with bowls of water and herbs
• wrote lists of regrets and burned them
• drank herbal teas
• screamed, cried, wailed, lay in bed unable to move for weeping
• did daily guided cure your depression/let go of regrets type daily meditation
• did 'tapping' therapy every night
• daily mantras repeated to myself
• had hypnotherapy
• had emdr therapy
• tried about 4 different types of counsellors
• took anti depressants
• got pregnant again intentionally (had an ectopic, a miscarriage and then finally a baby) but every time despite how I'd felt for many months, STILL almost got another abortion as late as 16 weeks and the only thing that stopped me was the risk of feeling even worse somehow than I'd already felt.

Like I was so desperate to not feel like it anymore and get back to my old life. What actually helped? A couple of the therapists (one who specialised in pnd and had an abortion in the past herself) and a man who was solution focused and incredibly pragmatic. And the medication. And time. I'd say by the time I actually got pregnant with the baby I ended up keeping, I was actually at a peaceful place and starting to enjoy life again and for a long time felt very upset to be pregnant again. Yes it's a very messy story, but I'm trying to show how dysregulated I was for a good 10 months at least. Now I'm fine and happy again. But you have to want to get better too.

On top of the guilt and grief, the abortion ruined my body too, so I have spend the last year+ trying to restore my physical health. Most of the things I tried have been focused of this rather than the mental aspect. I have been to countless doctors, have done blood tests, ultrasounds, an MRI, read books, i take every supplement, did acupuncture and lately consulted a naturopath. So far it has all failed, and I have to live with the symptoms. My quality of life is gone. I want to conceive again (on purpose this time) but the abortion left me with fertility issues so it unclear if I will ever be pregnant again. I didn't have any of the common complications, but my body never really recovered from the inflammation and the hormones never went back to normal. So does it make sense to take more pills that affect the hormones while also ttc? I think not.
With regards to mental health, I spoke to a phychologist specialising in abortion but since I had no improvement after one year she didn't want to continue.
I am also very traumatised by the actions of the clinic i went to for how they treated me before and after the facts.
All the reasons i had for doing it have disappeared and all my fears have become reality, so I know for fact that I should have had this baby. I feel like a mother without a baby, only it is all my fault. I am dead.

what do you mean by inflammation? I’ve been back and forth how the doctors for inflammation on my chest since the abortion but they said the medication ect wouldn’t of affected it and what I have is quite common and should dissapear on its own. It’s almost felt like i was having a heart attack the pain was that intense

I can relate to you OP. I’ve had 2 pregnancies whereby I have considered abortion. 1 ended in an abortion at 7 weeks and the other ended with a baby after 3 attempts to abort but not being able to.

With the abortion, I had such relief and then very deep regret afterwards. The healing process took almost 2 years and I couldn’t stand to see a pregnant woman or baby in that period. I was depressed, lost my job because I just lost all motivation- it was a very bad time. But when I did turn around and tell myself that I will focus on me and my future child(ren) by getting a new job and investing in my infrastructure, I became too busy to focus on the negatives. Many women do heal emotionally after an abortion. It takes time. And remind yourself why you did it.

For the pregnancy that did end in a bay - I told myself that I do not want a child. When I passed the abortion deadline I seemed to have got a pre-natal depression which I received councelling for. I just felt numb and like I ruined my life. Although it has been hard, there is a reason why we make certain decisions. I’m sharing to say that when you do have a baby in the future, speak to your midwife and they will refer you.

For me it is in the lower abdominal area. I have chronic pain basically. I still have it (a year and 4 months later) but a little less, mostly in luteal phase. During the first couple months I ended up in the hospital due to pain so intense it made me dizzy and nauseous. I thought I may have appendicitis.
I don't exclude the possibility to have inflammation elsewhere on the body. Did you have a big viseral reaction during the process?
Apparently I had an unusually intense reaction and I recon the pain is related to that. Not they will ever admit or acknowledge it... we are just cows to them.