I’m hoping there’s someone able to support.
I’m almost 5 weeks pregnant, found out 4 days ago and me and my OH are really struggling. We fell pregnant on the second month of ttc. This was largely driven by me, and my OH expressed concerns on the first month but seemed more relaxed the second. We were enjoying it and just didn’t expect it to happen so soon (my irregular cycles, recent queries of PCOS, and probably influence of friends who have taken longer or had fertility issues). Now since the bfp we have both had similar reactions - basically utter shock and panic, sadness, what have we done, we aren’t ready. We haven’t been able to feel any real sense of happiness or excitement.
My OH lost his job in October, one which he wasn’t particularly happy in but still, and hasn’t been successful in getting a new job yet despite quite a lot of applications. I’ve tried to keep the pressure off but it does get to me sometimes. He’s understandably been struggling and it’s really impacting his mental health (anxiety and low self esteem) - which he has struggled with on and off for a long time. We have no idea how long it will take for him to get a job and at least get some sense of stability back. I have a good job and I own the house, but we really want to buy together this next year.
I always told him around 35 I’d be starting to get worried about my fertility, and would like to be trying around then. He felt that was soon, but understood where I was coming from. He was really happy for me to come off the pill and reset my body, I’ve been preparing my body to be in the best shape for TTC but I do wonder how much I’ve been preparing emotionally and mentally for it. We talked a lot about TTC but not so much about if it actually happened. Perhaps that’s hard to know fully until it happens. I know it’s not always complete happiness and excitement, but again that part has been missing. Perhaps missing from me as I know he’s not happy and I want us both to be and it to be a better time for us both.
I’m 34 and have been with my OH for a bit over 2 years now, lived together for a year. He’s the best person and so caring, and I couldn’t imagine wanting to do life with anyone else at this point.
Back to the matter, we just don’t know if we can go through with this pregnancy. I hate to see him struggling so much and would hate myself for going along with something that is clearly eating him up. He wants to feel more stable in a job, which I want for us too. It would help us to be able to move house and be closer to our support network. I’ve been suprised with my reaction, as how scared I’ve felt. I also felt a bit like I’m mourning our relationship as just the 2 of us and the things we might not be able to do with a child.
Nevertheless, we both know we want a baby one day. He promises me we can try again in the near future, now just feels immensely frightening given him being unemployed. We both want to feel some level of happiness about the situation, not this dread and fear that has consumed the last couple of days.
Sorry I’m waffling, I just don’t know what to do.
We have considered an abortion and at the moment that feels the best (maybe easier) option, which would take the immediate pressure off. But would that add to stress of the unknown of if or when it would happen?
We also see people around us conceiving in their mid-late 30s and given how easy it seemed for us this time have felt some optimism that it could happen again in a year, though that may be naive.
I appreciate lots of people will believe it’s best not to wait and we could live to regret it. And also that this would be immensely awful for anyone reading who experience fertility issues.
I guess I'm looking for reassurance if we do decide to wait? I want to feel sure in our decision, which I’m not sure will be possible. But are there any success stories from abortion and waiting that bit of time until you felt more prepared?
Thanks in advance.