Struggling to make the choice

[Easypeasymacncheesy]

I have just found out I’m 4 weeks pregnant, it’s unplanned.

I have a reasonably supportive DH and 2 DC already that are school age. Money and space wise we would manage. It would be tougher, but doable.

I just don’t know if I want another baby. Part of me does, but I had some health issues when pregnant with my second DC and my mental health has been rocky the past 2 years.

I’m really struggling with having to make the decision. I’m terrified of the termination process and so I want the decision made quickly so it’s early on if that’s the route I decide to take.

I know no-one can advise, I just don’t know where else to turn.

@Easypeasymacncheesy hey! Sorry you’ve found yourself in this position. It’s not easy and then decisions need to be made whilst hormones are playing their part too. You sound like you might be open to another if a bit apprehensive. I would say that it would be a good idea to be a lot more sure before going down the termination route. It’s never a reset to how things were, the pregnancy always still happened. I know that you’re understandably worried about mental health and pregnancy but just make sure you’ve also considered how a termination may impact your mental health - in my experience and in the experience of many others it’s not necessarily just a period of ‘low mood’ as we’re sometimes led to believe.

I'm so glad we have choice in this country and making a decision early is the right thing to do however don’t rush in. It’s a very permenant decision that can’t be undone. Take your time, your husband sounds really helpful so discuss if you can make it work etc, how your existing children may feel about a sibling etc. There’s plenty of time

Thank you. My husband isn’t overly helpful in talking or helping me emotionally, but he will support whatever decision I make.

3 years ago I would have loved another baby. I think I feel now my time has passed and it’s hard to visualise a baby in our future.

I’m approaching 40 and worry about the age gaps, about losing the life I’ve just started to build for myself while my kids are at school. I don’t feel happy about paying nursery fees again, but I do have 2 parents who have retired this time round who may be able to help out.

There is no right or wrong here, and sometimes neither option is a good one. You have to decide what is best for your life and what you feel comfortable with. Access some counselling and imagine life going forward in both scenarios from as many angles as you can. Whatever you decide, write out your reasoning so if ever you start doubting you can look back on it. Talk to as many people as you feel comfortable with - the worst thing you can do is try and make this choice all alone.

I recently had my third and we are happy, after a pregnancy full of doubts and worries. But I am in my mid thirties and my other children are 6 and 4, so what is right for me doesn't necessarily make it right for you.

It’s such a hard position to be in.

Agree with @ByDreamyMintNewt about counselling - there are some really good charities that can help with counselling. There’s Image Pregnancy, Stillwaters. I think ARCH are a charity that can help too. It’s really worth speaking to someone.

Thank you. I am physically ill with the stress of it at the minute.

I feel I’m siding with terminating. I am terrified of doing it, but I also just don’t think a baby would fit into our lives now. I am worried about my mental health if I continue, I was quite unwell when having my second child.

I have a phone consulting with bpas booked and will look into some counselling.

I’ve spoken to a friend but obviously they can’t help me decide.