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This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

Original poster

Having a termination for DH…

6 replies

anicecuppateaa · 01/12/2024 10:55

I have posted before about this unplanned pregnancy. It’s complicated and risky (my health and baby’s). I am willing to meet consultant to discuss the risks with a view to continuing but DH has completely switched off. He’s being so utterly unsupportive and won’t discuss it at all without arguing. He’s miserable at home and being miserable to our other dc.

I went for the consultation at BPAS on thurs (alone) and saw the baby moving on screen. I cried throughout the appointment. DH was away with work and hasn’t bothered to ask how it went or talk about it.

I know the answer is often leave him and do it alone but I have other dc. Either way, one of me or DH is going to be devastated.

So, how can I go through with termination and recover emotionally? I have been advised to have it under GA, so can’t go alone and the closest clinic offering GA is 1.5 hours away. no idea how we will fit it around DH’s work schedule. I wish I had a local friend to lean on and do it without DH but the two people I’ve told have their own dc and wouldn’t be able to help.

OP posts:
Original poster
anicecuppateaa · 01/12/2024 10:57

Thinking out loud, does anyone know if I could go alone and get an (extortionate) uber home afterwards?

OP posts:
Tinydancer222 · 01/12/2024 18:37

Hi hun I'm so sorry to hear you are having such a hard time . This is really tough . I had a termination because the baby's dad wasn't going to be around . He said he would be there for me and help me if I did have the termination and he wasn't he blocked me one week after it and continued to live his best life on instagram and post weekly travelling the world . My pregnancy interrupted that for him . Do not take anyone else into consideration except you and your baby ! Don't mind what anyone else thinks ! I was so worried about the shame of being a single mother and the dad leaving us and was so worried about what people thought and so fearful when he said he didn't want the baby ! I mean this with all due respect f* him and anyone else that doesn't support you or pressures you into did like mine did . But you and your baby first and if you decide to have a termination do it for you and you only . The heartbreak after it is unbearable at times and wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy. This has to be your decision and your decision only . Sending you strength and love xxx ❤️😘

Annoymous3659 · 02/12/2024 00:24

Hi Hun, I am really sorry to hear you are going through this. It sounds like you have made a decision to prioritise your DH and his feelings. Maybe before finalising that decision you may want to consider the other options available to you. BPAS offers really helpful counselling services.

I recently had a surgical with BPAS under GA. I preferred this particularly as it was a very difficult decision and I didn’t want to be awake and find it harder. The procedure was pretty smooth and it all ran to time. I recovered quickly. You can go alone but you will need someone to drive you home afterwards. If family or friends are unavailable you will need to consider a Uber. The staff at BPAS are so supportive and can help you book transport afterwards. X

Original poster
anicecuppateaa · 02/12/2024 09:45

Annoymous3659 · 02/12/2024 00:24

Hi Hun, I am really sorry to hear you are going through this. It sounds like you have made a decision to prioritise your DH and his feelings. Maybe before finalising that decision you may want to consider the other options available to you. BPAS offers really helpful counselling services.

I recently had a surgical with BPAS under GA. I preferred this particularly as it was a very difficult decision and I didn’t want to be awake and find it harder. The procedure was pretty smooth and it all ran to time. I recovered quickly. You can go alone but you will need someone to drive you home afterwards. If family or friends are unavailable you will need to consider a Uber. The staff at BPAS are so supportive and can help you book transport afterwards. X

Thank you, that’s really helpful. How long from booking until your appt was it? And do you mind me asking how long you were there from start to finish?

OP posts:
Annoymous3659 · 02/12/2024 22:53

anicecuppateaa · 02/12/2024 09:45

Thank you, that’s really helpful. How long from booking until your appt was it? And do you mind me asking how long you were there from start to finish?

Show quote history

Of course. After my booking with BPAS, I had a pre procedure assessment 4 days later and 4 days after that was the day of my procedure. Given my circumstances I wanted this to be as earliest as possible.

On the day, I was there 3 hours from start to finish. My appointment was at 10:00am and I was seen by the midwife I believe by 10:20am. This was to go through paperwork and for consent etc. I recall going to get ready for the procedure at 10:45am and as soon as I was changed I was prepped (ie cannula etc) and taken into surgery. I am guessing my procedure was at some point around 11ish (I was told it would be a 15-20 mins max procedure). By 12:20pm I had recovered and changed back into my clothes waiting to be discharged and by 1:00pm I was out the door coming home.

Before the day I was told that you should allow up to 6 hours from start to finish as it depends on how busy they are on the day but I found it was much quicker x

somuchtodonextyear · 04/12/2024 19:47

I think if your husband is pushing you to have an abortion then the least he can do is take you. If he isn't prepared to put himself out to get what he wants then I'd be telling him you won't be having the termination at all

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