so basically
i first got pregnant in 2015 when i was 19 - had him at 20
6 weeks later after he was born i got pregnant again, my then ex went around telling everyone without me even knowing what i was going to do yet.. so due to me overthinking in regards to what people would think if i aborted i stuck with it (wouldnt change it for the world now obviously)
so by the age of 21 i had a newborn and a 1 year old with a 13 month age gap
me and their dad never had a good relationship it was constant arguing, disagreeing and infidelity numerous times on his part, we then split in 2017 about 2 months after my second was born
fast forward to 2018
i met someone who was everything my ex wasn't (we are now still together 6 years in)
in september 2020 i found out i was pregnant with our first child together - wasnt planned, it was a big shock but not unwanted, once we had got our heads around the shock we was made up
i was waiting for my first scan and due to covid i wasnt having one until 13 weeks - as soon as i hit 13 weeks (November 2020) i bled, i had to go the hospital alone due to covid so my partner had to wait outside, i got told id had a missed miscarriage - so basically the baby stopped growing at 8 weeks but my body continued giving me symptoms, the sack was still growing just not the baby, i was distraught walking out of the hospital to tell my partner the news, i was devastated honestly it took me months and months to get into a state of mind where i accepted what had happened, because obviously i already had two children beforehand so i was unsure if it was me, him or what
the following year September 2021 i found out i was pregnant the same time as the year before, same due date everything this rainbow made it to full term (thank god) and he was born may 2022
november 2022 (youngest was 6 months old) i found out i was pregnant again, this time i felt like i couldnt do it, the close age gap like the first two, in my head it was hard enough dealing with 3 kids at that point and also the thought of accepting it and potentially miscarrying again was just going round my head so i aborted - it was upsetting but the timing wasnt right
september 2023 (sort of a habit this september thing isnt it?) i found out i was pregnant, my youngest at this point was 18 months, me (28) my partner (30)
sat down and had a big conversation in regards to if this is it then its now or never, im not restarting in the future the thought of going through another abortion made me feel sick - we decided to go ahead with the pregnancy, this year in may 2024 he was born...
now youve probably read all that and been like do you not have a tele? use contraception?
every child listed above besides my second was conceived whilst being on contraception (i wasnt on contraception with my second as i was post birth by 6 weeks and was getting pestered for weeks by my ex for sex, i give in and hey presto got caught pregnant)
with my first - contraceptive injection (didnt even have periods for 4 years so have no idea how i conceived)
third was the pill and so was my 4th (two different types)
fast forward to November 2024 (now) i have just found out AGAIN I'm pregnant with what will be my 5th child?
i was on the pill AND using condoms, i was being safe i was preventing it i honestly cant fathom the frustration of how fertile i am, if i get my fertility from my great grandparents then it makes sense as one had 10 kids and the other 6 - it took us a whole year after my miscarriage to conceive again but ever since its like he breaths on me and im up the duff
since my last child in may ive been on the list to be sterilised which apparently is backlogged and it can take up to a year to get the appointment - ive used contraception the pill and condoms.. ive been careful and now im in this predicament again
i dont know what to do, im scared, frustrated, angry, clearly hormonal
ever since i gave birth ive tracked my cycle using FLO - i was due to come on my period on the 17th november 2024 - even tho its only been literally 3 days since then ive already tested as i knew straight away the minute my cycle goes walkabout is when im pregnant and low and behold 2 lines
id already said previously i was getting sterilised so clearly ive been adamant about having any more again - but now here we are - i dont want to abort i feel sick at the thought of forcing my body to do that again
i have kept it to myself since yesterday when i found out, my partner doesnt know yet (hes a worrier) so i didnt want him stressing out in work so i was going to wait until the weekend to have a serious conversation but i feel as thought it needs to be tonight.
has anyone ever been through this? going from a 4th to 5th child - aborting more than once? do you regret it? does anyone else have a big family (4+ kids) wat would your reaction be
i always said after my miscarriage id never force myself to get rid of a child but in circumstances i feel as thought its potentially the right decision
not only is having another child in the house going to be stressful with a 9 & 8 year old and by the time the new baby will be here a 3 and 1 year old with a new-born on top, the space (we would have to move and get a bigger car) - financially we probably could afford it however thats not a good enough reason in my eyes
i guess with this post im just looking for positive stories on either expanding your family and how it went - or if you have aborted was it a good/bad decision do you wish you could go back and change it because im losing my mind here.
also for context - I have 4 BOYS
so obviously you can imagine ive had everyone saying oh you going to try for a girl? i wouldnt mind either however ive always dreamed of having a girl this was before i had ANY kids. so my head is a million miles an hour right now
if you made it this far into my hectic life then thanks hahaha