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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

Original poster

Termination tomorrow

6 replies

anicecuppateaa · 20/11/2024 09:08

I am 10w pregnant and have finally caved to have a termination. DH doesn’t support the potential to continue and I don’t want our marriage to break down over this, as much as I want the option to continue.

So, I now have an appointment tomorrow. Booked yesterday so it all feels fast. Despite living in London and thinking it would be close by, it’s 1.5 hours from home. DH will be away with work so I need to get 3 dc ready for nursery/ school and then go alone.

Does anyone know, will the treatment happen at the appointment tomorrow? Or will I need to go back again? I’m devastated and just want it over.

OP posts:
Poster57 · 20/11/2024 09:18

Goodness OP - have you had any counselling? It sounds like talking it through would really help - there’s charities out there that are great. I know this is hard enough without me saying this but a termination isn’t a reset to how things were and the mental fall out and resentment that could cause could have a huge impact on your marriage as well. Things have changed either way and can’t go back to how they were so it’s so so important to consider your needs (assuming you can afford and have enough love to go round :)) - remember it’s about YOUR choice with your body, not someone else’s

I suspect your treatment wouldn’t be tomorrow. I would think if anything you’d be given the first pill. I guess everywhere does things differently though.

Original poster
anicecuppateaa · 20/11/2024 09:32

Poster57 · 20/11/2024 09:18

Goodness OP - have you had any counselling? It sounds like talking it through would really help - there’s charities out there that are great. I know this is hard enough without me saying this but a termination isn’t a reset to how things were and the mental fall out and resentment that could cause could have a huge impact on your marriage as well. Things have changed either way and can’t go back to how they were so it’s so so important to consider your needs (assuming you can afford and have enough love to go round :)) - remember it’s about YOUR choice with your body, not someone else’s

I suspect your treatment wouldn’t be tomorrow. I would think if anything you’d be given the first pill. I guess everywhere does things differently though.

No counselling, I’ve been burying my head in the sand.

Agree, It is my body and I would like to be able to make an informed decision about the risks of continuing (complicated medical history), but to do that I really need to speak to my previous obstetrician and I have no idea how to do that (complexity of the NHS!).

I might contact the clinic and ask what happens tomorrow so I can be prepared. Urg what a mess :(

OP posts:
Poster57 · 20/11/2024 11:33

It’s so hard to get through to the right department isn’t it. Could you phone th switch board and ask to speak to your consultant’s secretary? That what I tend to do and I usually get to the right place.

Charity wise there’s Stillwater, ARCH trust, image pregnancy. Most charities will give you a couple of sessions or even a chat with little to no notice and they’re well worth talking to (I appreciate most of them are Christian charities which puts some people off but honestly they absolutely are pro choice from my experience) it’s well worth speaking to someone outwith your circle who understands the importance of making that informed decision. They’ve seen so many women through this stuff that they are so so well versed in it.

Good idea to phone and see what to expect as well. That anxiety can’t be helping you process what you need to.

it’s so hard not to bury your head but honestly, lean on the resources that are there - you’re not the first and won’t be the last to be in this position.

Poster57 · 22/11/2024 21:56

Hey @anicecuppateaa - how are you doing?

Original poster
anicecuppateaa · 22/11/2024 23:15

@Poster57 thanks for checking in. I moved the appt to next tues to give myself more time to think, and for logistical reasons. I was hoping to speak to a consultant about the c section risks but have spoken to a midwife and would need to go through booking appt at least before that. I think I’m actually 11+3 today so need to make a decision quickly.

I was leaning to going to the booking appt etc and romantacising the vision, but I’m actually shit scared about dying (dramatic I know) and DH is 100% not on board, so now thinking I just need to get on with termination.

OP posts:
Poster57 · 23/11/2024 10:05

I’m so glad you’ve given yourself more time. Did the MW have any advice or is your medical history not really in their scope?

I know that fear well. I had a horrendous birth with our daughter, we were very lucky to both make it out alive and I’ve honestly found it so hard to get someone to speak to us about it. It was very nearly what caused us to decide not to have more family. I think what I’ve come to realise is that as traumatic as it was for us, it’s just normal every day for them. That doesn’t make it right that it’s so hard to speak to someone but I guess over time it’s settled me to realise how often they deal with complications.

If you’re 11+3 should you not be due a booking appointment imminently?

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