Abortion grief at 17

[Hattbristow]

I had my abortion 4 weeks and 1 day ago today, and my heart feels like it’s breaking more and more as the days go on.

Hi, I don’t know if anyone will see this but I could do with support. I found out I was expecting end of September this year, after realising I was a few days late for my period and had a huge appetite. I found out when I was around 4 weeks, and took the first tablet at 7 weeks and 3 days.

My partner knew the whole time and was unbelievably supportive, assuring me it was my choice and I’d have his support no matter what. It was my choice taking the tablet but I regret it so much. Our parents knew and although they showed support no matter what I knew they’d want me to not have it. I was so torn on what to do, before I took the tablet I sobbed for hours and as soon as I swallowed it I was full of regret contemplating throwing it back up, crying harder than I knew was possible. I knew I couldn’t support a baby and we didn’t have the funds or a house or anything but I feel like I’ve lost the biggest part of me. I thought I was doing the right thing but then again I knew before I did it I didn’t really want to.

I struggle every day to get out of bed and have days where all I do is sob and grieve what I could’ve had and what I did have. I would have been 12 weeks on Saturday and it’s hurting me so so much.

I made such a big mistake and I’d do anything to have them back. Even writing this has made me cry. I knew I shouldn’t have and I hate myself for taking it, I don’t know how to move on, I’ve lost myself and my baby. But I feel guilty as it was my choice and some don’t get to make that decision. Seeing baby’s and children and pregnant women kills me, I can’t even look at them without it breaking ne.

If anyone has had a similar experience or just any support I’d really appreciate it. Thank you

Just wanted to offer my support and give you a big hug.

You had to make a really difficult decision. It’s really normal to feel upset or conflicted, or to have regrets.

It is very recent so let yourself be upset and have a good cry. Give yourself some time and be kind to yourself.

Can you talk to your parents about it? Or maybe ask them about finding a therapist- it might help you to process it.

I am so sorry that you didn’t feel supported enough to make the decision to keep your baby, which is clearly what you really wanted to do. That wasn’t your fault. If you want to cry, cry. You’ve lost your baby and it’s ok to grieve. Take as long as you need to. Perhaps you could write a letter to your baby telling them how you feel and how much you love them. It might help you to make sense of your feelings and help work through them. You don’t need to share it with anyone else.
Unfortunately, you can’t turn back the clock and change your mind now, as much as you wish you could. So, now you have to try to move forward and process everything. Please be sure not to get pregnant again until you’re in a position of stability both financially and emotionally.
What you’re going through is so hard and maybe you should seek some support. You might be able to access counselling at your local sexual health and family planning clinic. Again, you don’t need to tell anyone about this is you don’t want to but def get some professional support.
With time, hopefully you can come to terms with your loss and I really do wish that for you.

Hi I went through very similar (16 years ago) but what I will say is please seek help/an understanding friend or professional help as I didn’t and regret not reaching out. I think my head would have been so much bette an over the years if I had of x

Sometimes even making the right decision is hard and sad. Did you have any counselling before you made your decision?

Be kind to yourself, it's overwhelming and your hormones are also likely to be a bit all over the place whilst they settle down again.

It might help to talk about it with someone, just to try and process it all, but you are grieving, and that takes time to heal

I send you love!

I had a termination at 20 as I was freshly out of uni and had only just started my first ever job. I was sofa surfing and poor and homeless!! I loved my boyfriend at the time but he had no money either.

it was sad to sad bye to the possibility of a baby but I knew I couldn’t give it a good life and babies would be in my future one day when I was in a more stable place and had lived some of my life for me.

so I understand a bit of how you feel. I went to a relatives house who was expecting when my baby would have been due and I went to the toilet and sobbed and sobbed (they obviously didn’t know about the abortion) I did start to feel better about 4 months later and I haven’t regretted it long term, just felt a little wistful.

please do look up Choices charity who can give you post abortion counselling to talk through how you are feeling

Thank you all for the support and even just replying and making me feel more seen. I’ve inquired about therapy just waiting for a response, I desperately want to stop feeling like I do. I know i wanted the baby, the longer I knew I was pregnant I think I became attached without knowing, until the realisation they were gone came. My mum helped with the process and I had people by my side but I dont feel seen, I don’t expect them to understand but it is also so frustrating that they don’t get it.

Youre all angels, I didn’t expect this at all so thank you all so much 🩷

Hi there, I'm so sorry you're feeling like this.

I had an abortion 20 years ago when I was 18. It knocked me for six. I had no idea it would affect me the way it did.

That said, I know now that it was definitely the right decision for me. I am at peace with myself.

It sounds like you need some support - professional/ friend etc. You deserve being really looked after. I wish I could give you a cuddle. You are not alone. Sending lots of strength and will wishes x

You need to take time to process it.

Write out your feelings.

I think that many many women will have felt similar to how you do now, but also many who will have felt very differently.

When you have choice, you inevitably have to choose, and some choices, this being one of the most difficult, are either black or white. There's no going back, no do overs, so it is unlike most other important, but ultimately changeable decisions.
You cannot live both lives.

So i suggest that you forgive yourself the grief you feel over having made what you consider to be a wrong decision and focus on the fact that you owe it to yourself to try and look forward with positivity.

What's done is done. This choice is part of you, in such a way that you have learnt about yourself.
Sometimes we need to make what we consider mistakes to know what our path should be in the future.
Sometimes what you consider to be a mistake now might be seen in a different light by future you.

Pls keep replying as long as you need this thread to support you