Partner wants termination but I am unsure

[MissAnnaBananaG]

TW // termination

Hello, I am very new to this website so please bear with me but I am desperately seeking advice. I have been with my partner for 2 years and found out recently that I am approx 5 weeks pregnant. He is 37, I am 27. I have no children but he has a teenage son to a previous relationship which he has joint custody of. I have met his son on a small handful of occasions and we get on well. We have had many discussions regarding the pregnancy over the last few days and he has said that he doesn’t think we are ready to start a family yet and would like me to get a termination. His reasons for this being the fact that we don’t live together and selling two houses in the next 9 months would cause him too much stress and he wouldn’t want to put pressure on his son by having me move in with him so soon/telling him that I’m pregnant despite only meeting me a handful of times. His reasons are logical to me and I understand but I cannot help feeling the emotional side and wanting a baby so badly in the future it almost feels like a blessing that I’ve been given this opportunity when so many woman cannot conceive. I know I’d be a good mum. I have a really good job, as does the father so money isn’t an issue and I have very good family support who have said they will support whatever choice I make. I am in a much better position than a lot of people who go on to have children.

I have mixed feelings about having a termination; as the days go on, I more and more do not want to go through with it but I am scared to ruin my partners life. He has acknowledged that ultimately he cannot force me into anything and stated if I wanted to continue with the pregnancy, he wouldn’t walk away but on the other hand has said we are not ready and he is not prepared to ‘f* everything up’. Any advice would be appreciated. I feel lost and confused and sad.

OP, do what is right for you. Think about what you want and follow your heart. It's a big decision and either way there can be big impact on you emotionally.

OP, it is clear you want this baby. You seem to have a stable life and can provide a loving and comfortable life for this baby. You also have 9 months for your partner to make sure you get to know his son better. You also do not have to move in with him straight away. He can stay over at yours in the beginning when he son is not with him. His son is a teenager…he has to know his dad will have relationships and perhaps more children…He may say it will not be the end of the relationship if you decide to keep it but during these 9 months he may change his mind. So be prepared in the back of your mind that you may be a single parent. I am in the middle of an abortion (mostly due to health reasons) so no judgement here. However, the reasons he has provided is really weak to abort a baby that is wanted by the mother.

Usually if there is even a small doubt about your abortion….regret will follows.

Good Luck OP. Whatever you decide, there is help and support.

Thank you so much, I really needed to hear this today.

Women didn't fight for the right to choose so they could be pressured into a decision by someone else. You clearly want this baby, so have your baby!

This is so so true! Thank you

You are welcome. I have three kids - it is tough but omg it is funny, unpredictable and you have someone you can depend on for life. Life is so lonely without them. Your partner will come to terms with it…tbh has he even given his son a chance to express if he wants to be more involved in your life? How he feels about another sibling? Honestly OP men go essentially with the immediate feelings they have…most say no no no and they often worry about practical matters but when they see the scans, heartbeat, their little faces - they totally fall in love.

As others have said, have your baby if you want and everyone around you will have to fit into your and your baby’s life.

Hi OP,

I totally empathise with how you're feeling. It sounds to me like you know your decision already, perhaps?

I had a termination 11mo ago and wanted to share another side - I found out I was pregnant and I knew instantly it was the wrong time, too early on in the relationship (7mo in..), not quite financially secure enough etc.. anyway, what I'm saying is I didn't even ask my partner, because I just KNEW - not the right time, definitely want to be a mum but it just all felt wrong.

Anyway - from what I read on here about women who regret it, or women who take the first pills then frantically change their mind and hope it hasn't worked etc, the thing they have in common is that often the seeds of doubt were very much planted, they were maybe doing it because a partner had encouraged it, and they weren't like me (e.g, knew in their gut it was 100% the choice they needed to make)..

What I am trying to say is that whilst it's not binary and black and white, you could well abort this pregnancy and go on to be perfectly happy with your choice, having babies down the line, or you may have regrets, but your post reads as though there are no real reasons not to keep this baby? I think you maybe have your answer and are looking for reassurance?

I think his issues about the son seem a bit weak and I 100% agree with the poster who said about men coming around to it. I've read lots of threads on here about men who are instantly shocked/against it and then come around to it in time - I agree that it takes a lot longer for them to accept it, and sorry to stereotype but I think a lot of men even when in settled relationships and financially secure/married will still drag their feet about committing to having a baby..

I think if your relationship is solid, that is far more important than the practicalities (obvs I know finances etc are important..) but baby will put a strain on things so it's definitely worth having hard conversations at this stage such as how happy / committed are each of you, even if we took the pregnancy off the table, etc? Then at least you know how strong your foundation is - family help is fab but ultimately it will be the two of you going through this together..

Have a good read of threads on here where others have been in your shoes and also some of the 'accidental pregnancies, do they come around?' type threads!

Keep us posted please on what you decide!!! X

I’ve replied on a few other threads saying this but please do consider calling Choices charity for some free counselling who will help you talk through all your options from an unbiased POV and help you get to your decision.