Regretting my abortion massively

[UnsocialButterfly0211]

I’ll just highlight the main points, I had a medical abortion 2 days ago. Which is my second in the space of a year. I have been under the pretence that both my previous and current partner wanted to start a family however, once I was pregnant this stand point completely changed. Now if I had have known that was the case I would’ve prevented it obviously because I wasn’t fully ready.

My previous one was also medical and I don’t regret that one because my ex was emotionally abusive however, this one I regret every hour I am awake. I can’t even walk past a mirror without feeling sick. I feel like the worse person in the world meanwhile he is thanking God and talking about going back to church. Talking about him regretting us having to do this and we can try for a baby again. Then he’ll make comments about not wanting to be intimate again with me because he doesn’t want me to be pregnant again and, he doesn’t want to try again with me just would rather us be good friends.

Even though he knows that I went through feeling unattractive with my ex because he did the exact same thing and was put off by me sexually.

I was completely prepared to go through this pregnancy alone but I couldn’t afford it and everything was just against me. I knew spiritually I should not have done this but I didn’t want my child to face my struggles. I know how it feels first hand to feel unwanted by extended family.

I would give anything in this world to be pregnant again and I miss my baby so much. I just don’t know what will help me get over this grief, I can barely eat and I can’t stop crying.

I could just do with a hug tbh, I don’t think any amount of counselling will ever make me feel any more humane for what I’ve done.

Hey lovely,

I am in a similar situation but 6 months on.

Every day is still very hard to accept termination but some weeks you will be ok and other weeks it will hit you. Same as you, I felt counselling won't help. However I have recently taken the plunge to get help and if I got this straight after abortion I wish I did as it does help a little.

What helps me is that I tell myself each day that one day I will be reunited with the same soul of that baby and part of a Mum is doing what you feel right for the future of that baby/child. It is a very tough position to be in pregnant when you have no support from a potential future babies father, yet is it the women who are the one who have to make such a hard decision.

No one can make you feel better but all I say is be kind to yourself and having a abortion does not make you a terrible person.

Aside from the baby. maybe give yourself time to think if this partner is the right person for you as it sounds from what you are saying - he is very conflicting in what he wants in regards to a family.

I am sending virtual hugs as I know exactly how you are feeling right now.

I am not sure my message is much help but I hope each day gets better x

Thank you for your message honestly I think BPAS was sick of hearing from me to be honest.

Really sorry to hear you went through this as well but also hopeful that there’s light at the end of the tunnel.

I’m severely in debt and I still live in a partially renovated home. It’s not all bad but a majority is and I wouldn’t have got maternity leave or anything like that.

The baby would’ve been loved but my mom was a bit on edge because I have had times I’ve had to rely on her financially so to do this with two mouths would’ve been really selfish. Nevertheless she was willing to support whatever decision I made.

He was pretty vile to me when I told him, initially he said it was okay then I was the worse person in the world. He would attack me verbally every time we talked. I’m also a sickle cell carrier and he refused to take a blood test to confirm whether he was one too. There was just so much wrong with this situation but I fell in love with him before I got pregnant. I don’t know if I have the strength to leave just yet unfortunately.

I know this was the best thing for me but I still struggle to believe it was the right one :(

Hi, I just want to start by saying it's not your fault you've been in the positions that you have and please don't blame yourself. It takes two to get pregnant and both of those partners should have been there for you. I'm sorry you were in an abusive relationship in the past but well done for getting out, you deserve so much better.
I can really relate to what you are saying, I've had 2 terminations in the past 2 years and the first one I was able to pick myself up from but this one has left me feeling really broken. I'm crying while I'm writing this message because I told myself I was doing the right thing and I promised myself I would be ok but I'm just not and my gosh I feel so alone. I really feel for you and I'm sorry you are experiencing this emotional pain too. I have nobody to talk to sadly and I can't even look my partner in the face, when he talks to me I just look straight past him. He hasn't done anything wrong but he has definitely not been there for me like I had hoped during what is such a difficult time.
You made your decisions so selflessly and bravely. I wish I could give you a hug. You have no idea how brave you've been and continue to be. I think time heals and keeping busy helps. Do some nice things for yourself and achieve some goals you wouldn't have been able to do before. I know it's hard to find the motivation right now but you will thank yourself for it later. I hope and pray you get your positive pregnancy experience one day, I'm sure you will.
If you need someone to speak to and to help you through this time, please feel free to inbox me on here. I'm here for you xx

I really needed this message today, the pain is getting a tiny but easier deal with knowing that I wouldn’t have subjected my child to what I’m experiencing/have experienced.

I’m sorry you had to make the decision to do this and circumstances couldn’t have been different for both of us. I resonate completely with everything you’ve said and I’m even contemplating leaving him. Unfortunately that is because of how he treated me the whole time I was pregnant and how he sometimes continues to be.

Sending hugs to you too, I will definitely send you a message maybe we can both help each other half the load.

Praying you are protected and guided along your journey and you will be reunited with your angels again one day xx

OP, I'm so sorry to hear this. Please get away from all awful men, so no more having sex with these bastards. Even with protection, just set yourself standards, you are worthy of a loving, committed relationship ❤️.. sort yourself and your life out before getting involved with a man again. Practice self care and love, you seem very vulnerable and keep getting in relationships with abusive men. Best to be on your own for a while, while you heal and recover. Please don't be too hard on yourself, God loves you and forgives you-there's nothing you can say or do that would ever remove you from God's love. You'll both (previous poster) be reunited with your children in heaven x Take care