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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

Termination - 3 under 4.

3 replies

13MAPARTHELL · 04/11/2024 06:20

I am still slightly baffled.

I had sex on the 11th September (a few days before my ovulation days) and on the 22nd, I tested the days before my period in October, all negative & had a 5 day period, now in November, being 5 days late, I've tested positive - No sex in between.

I have a 3 year old, 4 in march.
I also have a 2 year old, 3 in may.

I have not found being a mum the easiest
We have 0 support from anyone
My partner is self employed and very up and down, we both struggle with our mental health, my eldest has behavioural problems which we really struggle with. We have alot of debt currently, we lived in a 3 bed with the kids sharing currently. We dont have a car big enough, the kids are at nursery full time, and I have been back at work for almost 2 years now.

While I am working, and doing well, it is very hard for me to progress due to the kids, and the price of nursery for 2, even with free hours is setting us back £1600 a month. We often talk about him (the highest earner, but struggling to find work constantly) being a stay at home dad, and me getting a promotion, which would still only be £37k a year, and then maybe UC top up, or really me staying at home, and him being able to then go and make more money, as currently he is self employed but the only one who can drive, he takes the kids to nursery, if he did not have to do this, he would travel further, and be on more money.

But, i was a stay at home to 2 under 2, for 2 years and I found it, dull and isolating, with not being able to drive etc.

I worry about kids, and im sort of baffled how people have so many, for example, the situation of the UK is to either, have a house big enough where they can comfortably live until their 30s, or have enough money to pay their deposits, driving lessons etc, which I cant afford for myself.

Im thinking more ahead of time as its a real concern for my current children, school trips, days out, the zoo, cinema, bowling etc - with my partner being a trade, life is always hard, we can be destitute one moment and great the next, and we find the drudge a bloody hard one.

Saying that, I feel terrible and part of me of course does want to keep this baby, but its a complete life decision, the thing is I know that the life of days out and holidays abroad, is not going to be our life anyway with the 2 we have. I am already isolated, my life is already chaos and i have come to terms with family being my only friends, and that this is my life.

God, I just do not know.

At the same time, why would I make my life intentionally harder? Or do I just be a stay at home mum, and I always have a place back at my job waiting, so there is that.

OP posts:
Saskia2023 · 04/11/2024 19:51

I am really sorry you are in this position and its great you reached out- I didnt and kept the decision to myself which was the worst thing as i think writing it out helps you process things. i would access some counselling to help you process your thoughts- places like BPAS will offer it or charities like Stillwaters or ARCH. As you say both decisions are hard but it will help you process which one feels the most palatable. and its ok to feel sad and mixed emotions- its easy to think everyone else is really happy with pregnancies etc but actually lot of people have more mixed emotions x

Moonandsunandskies · 04/11/2024 23:07

I feel for you… some of my reasons for having a termination were very similar. I second to what Saskia have said- please speak to someone and think about your decision wisely as there will be no going back and the chances are that if you’re not 100 percent sure you’ll struggle afterwards. I didn’t give myself the time to process things, panicked and wanted ‘things’ to go away so I can just go back to normal but sadly it was not the case. Things will never be the same and having known what I know now I wouldn’t go ahead with it. On the other hand - the prospect of having another child at that time was just unthinkable and I was set on what I thought was the best for me and my children. It just that I couldn’t predict how I will feel afterwards and belive me- it is not easy. However try and put yourself first and follow your gut instinct not just makE sure you have plenty of support around you whatever you’ll decide to do. Wishing you all the best xx

Redlorryyellowcar · 14/11/2024 22:10

I had counselling with Choices charity and it was so so helpful. You really do need a specialist to clearly air all your feelings and help you process them

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