Hi all,
Sensitive subject here, I know. I want to first off start by saying I'm really sorry to all of those struggling to conceive, and I hope this isn't too insensitive to you...
I'm currently still breastfeeding my 11mo son, I'm also on the mini pill so have very random, sporadic bleeds (sometimes every couple of weeks, sometimes I won't have a bleed for six weeks). There was a week, about 3 weeks ago where I was really sick with COVID and a tummy bug and I realise now that I i most probably threw up my pills for a good few days (and then forgot a couple afterwards as well 🙄) At the end of the week, when I was feeling much better, me and my partner had sex.
Fast forward a couple of weeks and I'm feeling funny again... I've got two children and I know the feeling - it's how I feel when I'm pregnant.
So... I took a test this morning and it's a faint positive. I know it's very early days and anything could happen, but a positive is a positive at this point in time.
Here's the problem - we had always said we wanted another baby, but definitely not yet! (Absolutely should have been more careful, fully aware!) We just aren't in a position financially, or me even really mentally or emotionally yet - my son still wakes every hour or two at night, I've been back to work since he was 3 months old and with work, the two children and no sleep, I'm constantly completely exhausted!
Also, I've literally just been offered my dream job which I worked really hard for, which is due to start in February (and can't be any other time and can't be stop/started due to the nature of it and the training). It's something completely different to what I do now and a really, really substantial pay rise as well which we massively need as a family.
I just don't know what to do. I have been so unbelievably excited for this job and I don't think the opportunity (or similar) will come around again. But I also don't think I can go through with the other option of not having the baby - I'm not sure I could deal with the guilt and all the what-ifs and I think it would emotionally destroy me.
I'm so so so upset and scared and I just don't know what to do. I feel so so stupid for not being more careful. I guess being unwell, I didn't really think about it and I thought I had breastfeeding as a bit of a backup too to be honest. I haven't told my partner yet as I'm sure it won't be massively welcomed news to him either.
Not really sure what I'm looking for from this post, just needed to get it out there in the world to someone I guess instead of sobbing at home alone!
Sorry again to all those who this may seem insensitive towards 🤍
Thank you so much for reading and any advice
you can offer! x