Hi there, I guess I’m writing in here for hope.
At age 35 I got pregnant after one night with a man I’ve known for many years. I initially wanted to keep the baby as I felt very connected. However when I told the father things didn’t go well and I felt very alone and made what I believe is the worst decision of my life and took the abortion pill at 7 weeks.
The father begged me to abort and said I would be a burden to my family and friends. That my child would resent me for not giving them a real Dad and that I would ruin my life. Further to this. He said he got solicitors involved and I think this was because if I kept baby he wanted to maybe want some involvement (even though he was adament I needed to abort)
On top of this, my own parents lacked support and only focused on negatives of being a single mum and said they didn’t retire for this. My mum has since apologised but she was worried there was futher heartbreak to come.
i overthought everything and I ended up taking first abortion pill but regretted it but sadly at scan they said heartbeat stopped, which of course was my fault as it was very soon after first pill. I then had to take the second, baby was size it should have been so I just know it was from the first pill.
my reasons for abortion was as I was terrified of raising a baby alone with a father not there for birth and dragging me in and out of courts over child maintenance. The thought of looking at a innocent baby I knowingly would have had knowing the dad didn’t want, made me feel incredibly guilty. But now I just wish I focused on the positives.
I worry it was my only chance (although I since had fertility tests which show my fertility Is excellent for someone of my age 35, I’m more in 25 age bracket)
sometimes I feel I can’t go on in life as I feel like I’m a terrible horrible person terminating a baby and that I don’t deserve to be happy. I feel like I’m a monster and the guilt is eating me up.
thid happened 6 months ago now, does it get better ?
thank you