Writing here before telling husband

[Japanese2024]

Pls help. I'm writing here to get my head clear before telling husband later.

Back story is that when I was younger, a partner pushed me into abortion and left. I was quite badly upset about this for a long time and never would have considered abortion again.

My husband and I had a long road to have our son. Late miscarriages and fertility issues. I then was very ill during pregnancy and spent most of it in hospital. Due to this we said we'd only have our son and just appreciate having him.

I went on the pill for the past two years but my mental health tanked. I was struggling with panic attacks so I came off it. We had sex the next day. We had such fertility issues that I never would have considered pregnancy (stupid me). This morning I took a positive test.

I am full of guilt that I'm considering an abortion but I don't want to be ill again while my son is little. I wouldn't be able to parent him well and I've also started a new job so I don't want to disappear from that

Pls help me see straight x

Every pregnancy is different, is there a possibility that you won't be ill and hospitalised? (Or was this due to a underlying health issue that will repeat?)
Perhaps husband will be happy with this announcement, especially after such fertility issues.
Also he isnt your ex, he isnt just going to up and leave.
Hopefully just somebody else pointing these things that I'm sure you've considered out helps x

The issue is genetic and came with each pregnancy, including the ones which didn't make it to term.

Husband does not want to go through that again and we were very strong on the fact that I shouldn't/couldn't go through that illness again unfortunately

That does make it much more tricky. Honestly, the best thing to do is sleep on it a day or so and then talk to hubby once your brain is maybe a bit clearer? I really hope you can find a solution you're both comfortable with 🙏

Please take your time and don't rush ! I rushed mine and deeply regret it . A baby is a blessing and a job comes and goes . You tried so hard for your son and this baby can be a best friend to your son. Just take your time and go gentle this is a life changing decision 💗

Thank you. Its hard but it was mentally very hard being sick for months and the thought of being away from DS in hospital seems heartbreaking

Only you know what's best for you hun and trust your heart it won't steer you wrong . Just don't listen to your head. I deeply regret not listening to my heart ❤️

I'm so sorry @Tinydancer222. I felt the same after my first but thankfully now have some clarity that many years have passed. I hope you'll be able to find some peace with yours in time

Thank you so much hun mind yourself reach out if you need support 💗

Hello

I can really relate to your experience of being coerced into an abortion earlier in life. I had one at 17 (coerced heavily by my partner and my mum who I lived with at the time). I was very mentally broken after and I felt really lost in life.

I also have mental health struggles and therefore difficulties with a contraceptive that works for me - you're not alone 🫂 don't blame yourself for accidentally falling pregnant, these things happen and these happenings are common.

It's ok to want or need to have an abortion. You are being sensible in your way of thinking and you are taking your existing child into consideration selflessly. I unfortunately had another termination not too long ago (after having my children) and although I was mentally scarred from my first one, that experience helped me get through this one. I also took into consideration how another person in our family would affect my children and I did what I felt was best for them and our financial situation. Please don't beat yourself up for making whatever decision you feel is right for you and your family. All you can do is your best and there is nothing wrong with having an abortion.

Wishing you the best x

My husband and I have been speaking about a vasectomy for months. If only we had just booked the appointment!

Thank you so much @xshelly, our stories so sound similar. I never thought I'd consider an abortion again and I'm judging myself, but I'm trying to tell myself abortions must be more common than people realise