Can I keep this baby & not tell the dad?

[DevonDumpling66]

Hi all.
so I’ve been with someone for 10 months and we split a few weeks ago due to ongoing arguments, I’m 39 and already have a little girl and just couldn’t envisage a future with him in our lives anymore. I found out on the weekend, a week and a half after we split that I’m 5 weeks pregnant. I told him and he said it’s for the best that I abort but that he will support me either way. I’ve always wanted a second baby but in different circumstances. He lives an hour away with his mum and alcoholic step dad and I just can’t go deal with having to pack my baby off to him in that environment and so far from its mother. If this guy said he wanted nothing to do with the baby, I’ve got a very good support network and I would do it myself with their help. But he won’t agree to do that, he is already demanding regular access in this house an hour away where there’s a horrible man who wets himself in his drunken state. I had a counselling session today and weirdly she asked if I had considered concealing the pregnancy. Telling him I had an abortion but secretly keeping it. I thought this was absurd at the time but in a heated discussion tonight he’s turned around to me and said ‘go away, go and have the abortion.’ Would this comment stand up in court should I secretly keep the baby and he finds out? Or would he still get that access and life would be even worse for me because he missed out on its birth and however long of its life he didn’t see it? I just think if a guy says get rid, us women should then have every right to cut them out and still give the baby a chance without the dad?

Wow Devon, that is a tough situation. I think talking to an attorney who has experience in child custody law would be a good idea. But I feel like your last sentence makes a lot of sense, if they're telling you to go and abort, it should be the same as signing away their parental rights. Unfortunately that's not how the law works though. If his father is an alcoholic, it's possible you could report it to the DfE or NFPCC if that home is not safe for a child to be in. I hope you can find a way to make this work as your chances of having another baby only grow smaller each year. I'm holding out hope you can find a way to make this work, especially since you've wanted a sibling for your daughter and have a good support network. All my best to you and sorry you have to deal with this frustrating man.

Hi, what country are you in? I'm in a similar situation and have decided to to tell thr father. He would be happy aboit the pregnancy, but was so emotionally abusive and controlling to me, I decided it's best he isn't involved at the moment. Maybe in a few years when I'm past pregnancy and newborn stage. I'm 37 and have a child from a previous rship.