Unknown father

[Hayme]

I’ve been looking everywhere for answers, I had a miscarriage at the beginning of this year and it ate me up. I got put onto the pill and nobody told me that because I’ve had a gastric bypass that I didn’t absorb it .this summer my son who is 11 went away with his dad for three weeks I lived my life and had lots of sex. Some people I don’t know in fact many people I don’t know. I found out two days ago. I’m pregnant and I don’t know who the father is and I’ll never know and I should never have been put on the pill . I am in turmoil over what to do. I know how much it hurt losing a baby and how much I want to be a mum again but also is it selfish on my son and also what will my life look like when I had a plan to never be a mum again , I just want to know are there any women out there? Got pregnant and never known who the father of the child is? How do you deal with it? What do you say? I don’t know what to do my head is spinning. I need some help and advice.

Hi OP, sorry you are in such a difficult situation. I can only comment on this from the perspective of the child - I was adopted and found my bith mother in my 20s. She didn't know my father's name, so I used DNA to find out who he was.
I have 2 biological sisters who my birth mother kept, and neither of them know who their fathers are, and so far haven't managed to find them.
From what I could see, my birth mother coped quite well without my sisters fathers being around, and although my sisters did wonder who their dads were, I think they just accepted they may never find out.
This was obviously quite a long time ago, and times have changed, but I think if anything it's more common these days than it was in the 60s/70s (or at least more talked about).

I don't see it as being selfish to your son. Hopefully somebody with experience of being in your situation will be able to comment soon x

whilst i appreciate you are on your own and dont now who the dad is- plenty of people have a baby with a bloke who then turns out to be useless/ leaves etc. at this way you are making an informed choice that you will be doing it without the father. if you want the baby go for it. and your son will be a help. i had a suprised pregancy and my 8 year old son has been amazing- he loves the baby and is so supportive. whilst i try not to put too much on him he will really step up and help when i need it. and they have a great bond. so think about what you want emotionally- the baby will be ok with the love you can provide

Yes, my next door neighbor got pregnant with a guy she met at the bar and had a one nighter with. She told him she was pregnant and that she didn't want anything from him, and he was okay with that, and didn't keep in touch. She later married a very nice man who became a good father to her daughter. These days there is no such thing as a "normal" family!