Due date today post abortion guilt

[Biggerthanthewholesky303]

I don't know how to feel or what to even say today should have been my due date. We found out I was pregnant when my LG was 10 months old at the time my MH was bad and with the little one being a handful my partner and I was being logical and practical that we would need to terminate.
At the time it was best for our family as we have an older 8 year old too and I thought we would have one more in the future.
Before Iris a couple of years ago I had a Missed misscarriage and there was and is so much guilt and shame for therefore choosing this.

Now the due date is here today and my LG is more grown I can't help thinking yes it would have been hard with this age gap but it wouldn't have been hard for too long. And now my other half says he is perfectly happy with just the two
we had a pregnancy scare recently and he was so solumn about it and worried because he knew I couldn't go through the trama physically and mentally of another abortion. I was scared but happy then two weeks later I got my period event hough I have been having neausous felt like fate kicking me in the face and just teasing with me and now I don't know how to feel if he now doesn't want more. I would never force it on him i just feel angry and sad I didn't know my LG would be my last pregnancy my last baby and now the due date is here and I'm a mess

just sending you love- the due date is going to be wobbly as its a grief and certain dates it will be more prominent. take one day at a time and allow yourself to feel rubbish- with any other grief people would be wobbly around a signficant date and this is no different/ ARCH or Stillwaters are both posttermination charities that have helplines if you need some support at present

I just came across this and feel so similar. My due date would have been around 8th August and I found out I was pregnant the day my first born tuned 10 months old. We would have had exactly an 18 month age gap. I was due back to work after mat leave Monday morning and found out the Friday before. I didn't know what to do. I just thought we wouldn't/couldn't cope. Like you i now think it would have been hard but we could have done it. We've just started TTC again as we always wanted another. I'm riddled with guilt and what ifs. If I'd have kept the baby , even though it would have been hard I would have loved it and there would never be a "what if" because we never would have regretted a baby once it was here. Now we will always regret what we did.