16 weeks with twins considering abortion

[wheredoigofromherenow]

I can't even believe I'm writing this thread I feel like the most horrendous person in the world.

I'm 30 years old and 16 weeks pregnant with twins and I think I need to have an abortion now due to my relationship breaking down and the sudden reoccurrence of my mental health issues. I can't even think straight, please refrain from any harsh comments. I know this is terrible but I don't have anyone else to speak to or ask for advice.

Me and my partner had only been together a couple of months when I found out I was pregnant (for context we have known eachother a number of years so not a complete stranger). We'd had a couple of niggling issues but thought these were resolved and we talked at length about what we both wanted/expected from the relationship and a family and decided to keep the pregnancy. We later found out it's twins which was a huge shock in itself. I already have a young child so as you can imagine I was very worried from the get go about things working out etc and did consider abortion earlier on but after the discussions with my partner and him assuring me he wanted to support me/us etc I decided not to go through with it at that early stage.

Our relationship recently has been awful. I've found out some quite terrible things about his past which I'm not sure I can move forward from and despite me begging constantly for him to change and help work on the relationship and his issues he is completely unwilling. He will be perfect for a couple of days then slips back into his nasty ways etc. and we have horrendous arguments which is making me so depressed I have actually self harmed on a couple of occasions which is something I haven't done for many many years. I am awaiting counselling for my own depression/anxiety so I am doing my bit to work on myself and make the relationship better but he's just completely unwilling to see any fault in his actions and if I bring up things he has done that have hurt me/im worried about he explodes and that becomes the issue.

I feel like I can't continue with the relationship due to all of this but I know I won't be able to continue the pregnancy if the relationship ends. I have no support (my other DC's father isn't involved due to DV and a number of other issues) and I don't have any family. I don't have any friends to confide in and I feel so alone. I know I would struggle immensely to look after 2 newborns completely alone and I don't know what would happen to my other child whilst I went into hospital etc to have them or if anything happened before then. In the same vein I also don't know what would happen if I had an abortion because again I have no support and would obviously need surgery etc.
I feel that I simply won't be able to cope and this would have such a huge negative impact on mine and existing DC's life but the fact that I'm already 16 weeks and people know/I've had scans and midwife appointments etc I feel so stuck and like I can't make a decision because I will be horribly judged and I feel it will reflect negatively on me all around.

DP's family are invested and seem really excited etc but I feel if the relationship breaks down they will withdraw all support and side with him as his mum always defends him etc when any issues arise and he goes to her.

Please has anybody been in a similar situation? What on earth do I do and how do I make this decision? I know it's late already

Hi there . I just wanted to ask how you are today ? I don’t have much advice about your situation but just wanted to say it’s probably best to make your decision as if you will be a single parent . Even if he or his family say they will be supportive, speaking from experience this may not be the case . I really feel for you because I have also self harmed over the years and quite honestly your boyfriend sounds absolutely horrible and you would be much better off without him. Sorry but you don’t need a man like that in your life I was with one for years and it completely messed me up . Not only did I start self harming again but became very close to suicide .
If you keep the pregnancy I would do it alone as he will just end up ruining that aswell . Anyway hope you are ok and come to a decision you are at peace with

I think you have to 24 weeks to make up your mind. May be find someone who you can discuss the decision with (and adoption or letting the father bring up the twins or his family of course is another option if you just feel you could not cope with them given you have another child by a different father already).

Good luck with whatever you decide. Our last child was twins and they are hard work but one of the best things but of course my situation is not yours.

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this alone. Depression and anxiety are tough. I hope you're getting help with that from the doctors but please don't make your decision based on how you're feeling.

Write all your feelings down and the pros and cons of carrying on. Will you be able to do it alone? Would your ex help? How would you feel if the pregnancy wasn't there?

When you say you don't have any family. Are they far? Can you reach out to anyone? Even far relatives? Is there a chance your ex would be willing to help even if you're not together?

There's no right answer. You know what's best for you. You're in a tough situation but either way you're strong enough to cope. You CAN cope either way so please don't be so tough on yourself. Don't let anyone else feel like you're not worth it.

Just reading back I feel like it's your anxiety talking saying if we break up he won't be involved if we break up his family may not help. How do you know? Could you have a word with him and say I'm not mentally right I need a breather can we have a break?

I know you feel like times ticking and I'm sorry you are in a stressful situation. Make sure u get theraphy before the procedure as it really helps. I wish I had done so.

Hey, how are you doing? Do you feel any closer to a decision? It can be such a lonely and isolating time but please reach out for any and as much support as you feel you need. Whatever decision you make will be right for you. Sending love x

Thank you to those of you who have replied. Things have got worse since my post and I haven't felt mentally able to update the thread but felt I should and I need somewhere to talk anyway as I don't have anybody I can reach out to for support in real life.
My partner assaulted me on the day I made the original post. My face is still swollen and sore and I'm ashamed to say I didn't tell the police and haven't pursued it. The police came and I lied to them and said nothing had happened. I think I just panicked and couldn't face it. Didn't want to go through with everything that comes with it. Been there, done that, my ex was abusive and I can't go through it all again. I don't have it in me to do it. I know that's wrong but I don't know how else to cope.
I feel nothing but hopeless and depressed. I feel like I have let my existing DC down and now I feel like me feeling like I wanted these babies etc was dependant on my partner stepping up and all the false promises he made. Now that's gone I feel nothing but dread at having them. I never wanted any more children until I met my partner and I think he sold me the dream of us all being a family etc, made it seem like he was going to do everything to be there and now it's all fallen apart. I feel completely worthless, I don't even know who I am anymore. I know time is running out and reading the process of having an abortion at such a late stage is terrifying. I don't know what to do but I think because the relationship has completely fallen apart I know I can't do it on my own mentally/physically/financially with 0 support.
I know he wouldn't offer any support whatsoever and he's made that quite clear now. I also don't think he should be involved even if I decided to go ahead with the rest of the pregnancy.
I feel terrible I feel like I'll be murdering two innocent children but I also think dreading having them and feeling the way I feel will do them so much damage in the long run as well as to my existing DC. It's a disaster waiting to happen if I have them alone and I feel my mental health will suffer horrendously I have no idea how I'd do it alone and to be honest as awful as it sounds I just have no desire to whatsoever.
I don't know how I'd tell people and I know it will destroy me to do it but equally I think it would destroy me to have them and then there's two more children in this mess that never asked to be here and would suffer greatly as a result. As well as my existing DC. I can't stop crying it sounds horrendous I wish something would just happen so that I wouldn't have to go through with it and I know I sound like the worst person in the world I sound so heartless and evil but I'm nothing like that. I feel like my partner has turned me into something I don't even recognise and everything that's happened to me isn't something I ever saw happening and I don't know how to respond to any of it.

Sorry this is so long and rambling I'm not sure half of it even makes any sense I'm just very distressed. I'm going to give myself a couple of days to try and calm down and then phone BPAS or somewhere for further advice and find out what happens and what I need to do.

OP, I feel so sorry for you. I'm in a similar situation regarding being pregnant and having to make a decision while feeling like I'm running out of time. You don't deserve what you are being put through, I am truly sorry all of this is happening. I wish I could help or make it right for you, my heart really does go out. It's a good idea to give yourself a few days to try and clear your head but you sound like a sensible person and you will make the right decision in the end. It's such a difficult and conflicting situation to be in. How far along into the pregnancy are you now? My friend had a termination at 17 weeks after a scan and announcing her pregnancy to family and friends, because she didn't feel ready for a baby. The process was aspiration while asleep and went smoothly for her. I know not every experience is the same but I just wanted to offer a positive story re termination. Have you approached BPAS for counselling? They offer this before and after a procedure. Please keep updating if you would like to and if it helps you. It's horrible what he has done to you and you can always go back to the police when you are ready x

I'm sorry you are going through this I hope u r okay