Please Help!

[baby2025]

I started a relationship last year with somebody I worked with he lives one hour away from told me he wasn’t with his partner anymore but still live together, cut a very long story short he told me he longed to be a father and wanted to marry me so me not on contraception didn’t seem an issue. however I’ve just found out I’m pregnant and he wants me to have an abortion and prepared to move abroad because I’m keeping the baby I’ve not decided yet because I’m struggling if I can do this on my own. I need answers he said I have ruined his life he’s lost everything nothing adds up I think he’s still on with his ex I need to know what’s going on should I message her ? Should I tell her I’m pregnant?
please be honest
Thank you

Hi there,
im sorry to hear about your situation.
first things first; how old are you? You seem to want to keep the pregnancy.

If he is still with his wife/gf, you need to do what’s best for you and your child long term. Even if it’s hard and your judgment is clouded, you can do it.

Do you have a support network, parents, siblings or close friends? Times like these, it’s good to reach out for strength and support.

This man of yours, either if he has another woman or not, do NOT move overseas. You will be isolated and manipulated even more. Don’t let him get you in such a position.

It takes two to tango, you didn’t destroy his life, he knows how babies are made.

stay strong and stay focused and move one foot after the other. First you need to get rid of this man and not let him dictate what you have done or where you are going to live.

demand that you get in control of the situation, make sure that he is telling the truth. And don’t buy everything he is telling you, he has already tried to manipulate you. Don’t let him!

Thank you so much for the reply as I’m really at a loss with not much support just friends.

Im 36 with two older children who I coparent 12 and 15. I’m just not sure if I can do it on my own my heart is so torn.

I won’t be moving oversees but he is very much wanting to move to Scotland as far away from me and his responsibilities he’s not prepared to tell his mum he’s trying to contain everything at the moment and protect himself if that makes sense. Do I tell his mum I feel like she has a right to know ?

thank you again

While knowing very little about your partner, it sounds like he has no honor and does not take responsibility for his actions. "Not together but still living together" is very suspicious. Who tells someone they'd love to have a baby and then says the total opposite thing when a pregnancy comes? Did he just say that so he wouldn't have to use a condom? I'm assuming he knew you had two older children so expecting you to uproot your life and move far away is crazy (if he is expecting you to go with him). Do you live somewhere where men are required to pay financial support for children they created? Because I would call him on it and require him to pay, using the court system if need be. It sounds like you were totally open to having another child so he doesn't get to decide for you that a termination is the only way forward. Sounds like he's showing his true colors as a manipulator and a selfish person. I don't know if getting his mum involved would help, she probably doesn't know the whole story anyway. If you're the type to not say what you're really thinking, and try to please others while putting your wishes aside, I understand, but this is not the time to do that. It's too important that you consider your own feelings and wishes, and this child could be a wonderful new chapter in your life, with or without this guy. Hope you are holding up through what must be a very hard time.

I would deal as little as possible with both this man, and refrain from contacting his mother. i just don’t see the point if you tell her, he is still her son. And having raised him this way, one might wonder where her morals are.
How far along are you?

From everything you have said so far, this is not a man you’d want (close) in your life.
I am sorry for how things are, but this man seems to care only about himself, instead of respecting you, your children and his ex gf.

with two older children who you co-parent, it might work out better as you think. They are old enough to manage themselves than if they were 8-10.

You are your closest friend and ally, put yourself first and your wellbeing as number one.
i can imagine you hurting, please focus on you and what’s best for you. Don’t forget to eat, sleep and take care of yourself.
stay strong and don’t fall for his attempts to get you out of focus.